Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Al-Jazeera: Top 100 Terrorists Of The Millennium
UnNews:Al-Jazeera: Top 100 Terrorists Of The Millennium[edit source]
MurroughOBrien 01:36, October 27, 2009 (UTC)
| Humour: | 6.5 | Hi, I hope you will not issue a fatwa against me =). The title is funny, and I think that this aims to satirize those Top n thingys in entertainment magazines. Since this is a news article, you should write in a newsy style, such as adopting a more official tone, and giving a more extensive list/biography of the terrorists. Besides the concept and the last sentence (I like "being blown away"), there isn't much that is funny about it.
Having the introducers make fun of the terrorists is strange, as this is not logical, since they should be working in the interest of awarding the terrorists. Instead maybe you can have testaments from jealous people who didn't make the list. Also this article might be too US centric, as there can be terrorists other than Islamic ones (and Greenpeace), hence more content for your article. You can be creative on who you choose as terrorists, note: be really, really creative. When having people speak, it would be better if it's more official. Write as if you are keeping a straight face while saying all of those. I'm giving you an example, for the greenpeace guy maybe you can have some Islamic leader who is unhappy and say (imagine in a thick Arabic accent), "I do not think it is right that some people who had never been to a madrassah, never praise Allah, and don't understand the concept of Jihad can be inducted in the place of more deserving other people, it is my belief that one who dies for the cause of Allah is more deserving of praise than the American swine who did not even cause any infidels to part with this earth." Hence, more official tone, that a Middle Eastern person is more likely to say. It needs to have more funny lines as well. Note that most of your awards are posthumous ones. Also, you need to be sure of your tone. Do you sympathize with the terrorists? Or are they all n00bs who are pwnt by America lollollol? If you have choose to do it in the context of an award, and a neutral looking news article, it would indicate the former. It would also be funnier if it's the former, with a lot of potential for irony and sarcasm. Another question is who is voting? The Americans or the Middle Easterners or just general people in the world? If it's Americans, they (you?) are too stupid to know who those guys are, haha. Who is voting would greatly determine the outcome. It appears to me not logical that you didn't include the top 1-10 terrorist in the article, because if a real news article were to report on say Forbes 100, the first thing they would say is who is no.1. That being said, I really like your last sentence, it mirrors those articles (especially online ones) perfectly. |
| Concept: | 7 | Not a bad concept, as I said, needs more content. Dammit I think I basically said everything in that first box. So I went back and gave you paragraph breaks. ;) |
| Prose and formatting: | 6.5 | Allahu Akbar, roster, are two spelling mistakes that I spotted. As mentioned before, you general childish tone gave you this score. I didn't see any grammar mistakes. |
| Images: | 6 | I main problem with them is that they don't spatially correspond to the descriptive passages about them. I think it would be better, even if you need to have a large space between paragraphs, to start the image at the top of the paragraph, and end it before the next terrorist's paragraph begins. See how poor Abu Musab ended up being at the very bottom of the page, far, far away from the main text. They are also not that funny, you need to alter or put funny captions on them. The only effort I see is the first one. |
| Miscellaneous: | 6.5 | I just don't like you idea of "jokes", ie, terrorists being wimps, having pms. Perhaps you need to put more thought into it? But don't be too sad it's not that bad. |
| Final Score: | 32.5 | In summary, more funny lines, official language, content-the biography/achievements of the terrorists, viewpoint, structure, less death to America, etc. Yeah. |
| Reviewer: | --~ 09:49, 2009 Nov 1
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