Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Travis
We found this abandoned article and edited it and now want it rated. Peace!
Travis[edit source]
Tribbuca222 20:07, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
| Humour: | 1.5 | Umm...alright then. Hello again Tribbuca, I see you've decided to make another article. Let me try to point out it's flaws. First, i've never heard of this band, so this strikes me as Vanity. The fact that many people won't get your joke really hurts it. Second, you have 2 major things you need to avoid: Quotes, and an unfunny list with a repeated joke. The latter could likely be made into a funny paragraph, but the quotes should just be deleted altogether. |
| Concept: | 2 | As stated above, I (and likely many other users) have never heard of this band. A Scottish rock band is a bad idea for an article, because we have English speakers from around the globe on this website. If you're gonna keep this article, come up with some more culturally diverse punchlines and jokes if possible. |
| Prose and formatting: | 2.5 | Well, 2 major things stick out in this article: first off, your image is WAY TO FRIGGIN' BIG. You should probably reduce the size of it, so the text in your lead doesn't look so squeezed together on one side of the page. Second, you've got a list, and like you heard from my previous review, you need to avoid lists at all costs. Take that list, and turn it into a 3 or 4 paragraph sentence. |
| Images: | 3 | You've got one image, and although mildly amusing, it's pretty random. If you plan on expanding this, you need a few more on-topic pictures. And as I already stated above, reducing the size of your image will make your article look smoother. |
| Miscellaneous: | 2 | My overall grade of the article. |
| Final Score: | 11 | Well, you've got a short stub with some jokes only a select few people would get- which means this is likely to be put on VFD if you don't fix it up. Here are a few ideas I highlighted above: first and foremost, get rid of the quotes at the top. Second, reduce the size of your image to make your lead seem lest cluttered. Third, get rid of the list at the bottom of the page, replace it with a paragraph. Finally, simply expand- come up with more material, and add some paragraphs. Good luck =) |
| Reviewer: | Saberwolf116 17:50, 5 May 2009 (UTC) | |
Just jumping slightly to the defence of Tribucca, Travis is (are?) very well known in the UK, and their first album was "The Invisible Band", hence the pic isn't as random as it seems. That said, I agree with most of Saberwolf's other comments - basically this is a one joke piece (Why does it always rain on me, changing "rain" for "piss down"), and as it stands, has little to recommend it. A better approach would be to talk the Invisble Band notion and expand it... what effects on a musical career would the art of being invisible have? The fact that their career clearly has gone unnoticed stateside could perhaps be played upon here. --Asahatter (annoy) 16:59, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
Uh, guys? I didn't write this. I added some small edits, all which had to do with spelling and grammar (don't know if I spelled that right) and put it up here. JEEZUS! Tribbuca222 20:00, 6 May 2009 (UTC)