Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/The Young Ones

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The Young Ones

Thomasfan666 12:21, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

Humour:	3	Well, there are a lot of the typical problems. Your subject is very difficult to write about, which i'll get into in the concept section. For something to be funny, it usually has to at least try to explain people that are ignorant on the subject. As HTBFANJS will tell you, writing articles with "had to be there" kind of jokes turns people off to it. I'd recommend you make an effort to explain exactly what this TV show is-but make sure you do it in a way that's coherent, and don't just go from random catchphrase to random catchphrase. Make sure you don't blur writing styles, which i'll explain below.
Concept:	2.5	Like I said above, there are two fundamental problems: first, your subject makes it very hard to write without sounding like a fanboy. Keep in mind that not everyone has hard of this show, and Americans like myself are often left scratching are heads. Now, while this article isn't perfect, I think you should take a look at Peyton Manning, as it's the best example I can think of. Notice how it explains the subject thoroughly, so that people who have never heard of him understand what the article is about, laughing at the idiotic narrator at the same time? That's the kind of execution you need to aim for here-write your article in a straightfoward, encyclopedia tone, explaining your subject like a mature writer, but adding humorous punchlines in while you're writing. Your second problem is your lack of an overall narrative. Your character descriptions sound like they're talking to each other, which is more fit on something like an UnScript. Too often, I see your article blur the line between 3rd and 1st person narrative. My advice is to either write this article from a 1st person, fanboyish perspective, or from a 3rd person, encyclopedic tone, but don't mix the two together; that's just incoherent.
Prose and formatting:	3.5	Like I said above, your prose is bad because you don't have a central tone, so fix that. Your images, from what I can see, are also out of proportion to the text-typically, images need to be about the size of the paragraph they're covering. In this case, you have about 7 images that look uneven. I think, to fix this, you should make the "cast" section a little less listy- for example, try to summarize that characters and their actions in a single paragraph. Replace your spread out images with an overall picture of the entire cast (if you can find one). You also might want to reduce the size of your first image.
Images:	5	They aren't exaclty off-topic and unrelated, but they're still a bit weird looking. Again, I'd suggest getting rid of the bunched-up small ones.
Miscellaneous:	3	My overall grade of the article.
Final Score:	17	Well, your article is pretty rough. To recap, the biggest problem is that your subject is restricted to a small group of people, and you don't go much into detail about it. Like I said, give us a good idea of what this show is all about before you start writing a parody. If you haevn't already, I think you should take a look at HTBFANJS- it's a very helpful guide, and might give you a good idea of how to write your article. Bottom Line: Write your article so that more people can identify with it. Good luck! =)
Reviewer:	Saberwolf116 01:54, 22 June 2009 (UTC)

Drive-by from someone with a tad more knowledge of the show: can I just add that using dialogue taken verbatim from the show doesn't help? You can subvert this show in a number of ways, but when half of your content is taken from the show, it kind of undermines and undervalues anything you're trying to do. More original content, please. --UU - natter 20:26, Jun 22