Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Straitjacket
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Straitjacket[edit source]
A really silly article a made, I was wondering why uncyclopedia never have this kind of article. Apparently, this is my first article with no Pokemon references despite of the first picture.--Dark Paladin X 05:06, 20 August 2007 (UTC)
| Humour: | 1 | Nothing remotely funny about it, just a bunch of in-jokes as usual... |
| Concept: | 1 | Just have to say, lay off the in-jokes. |
| Prose and formatting: | 8 | Okay, but this doesn't really matter. |
| Images: | 1 | Didn't help. |
| Miscellaneous: | 1 | Okay, I know you're enjoying the in-jokes, but they're not a substitute for being funny. |
| Final Score: | 12 | Thas'all |
| Reviewer: | --Narf, the Wonder Puppy/I support Global Warming and I'm 100% proud of it! 03:02, 13 September 2007 (UTC) | |
| Humour: | 5 | Some ideas have potential, such as the "straight waistcoat" which is pretty clever. However, there are some things that weigh the article down as a whole, mainly the difficult prose, and the general randomness (i.e. hands growing to the size of elephants, cranberry juice, etc.) |
| Concept: | 5.5 | This subject has loads of potential. But most of the humor in here is randomness, as opposed to anything following any sort of satirical concept. |
| Prose and formatting: | 3 | Perhaps the article's weakest point. A lot of new users make the mistake of writing their articles in extremely informal styles, which you do a lot of. I'd take a look at a wikipedia article, and the extremely deadpan, journalistic way in which wikipedia articles are written, and rewrite it that way. Also, the other problem is just the way the article is written. Phrases like "it ends up having the guy who is attempting to wear the straitjacket with some pretty bad pain from hell", "How the wear a straitjacket", and "wore by crazy people". Some proofreading might help. |
| Images: | 7.5 | The Winston Churchill one was good, along with the last one. The first one was a little meh, but still passable. The "This is Sparta" one wasn't great, but with a new caption, (perhaps "Few people know that the ancient Spartans actually wore straitjackets instead of armor, making it even more understandable that they all died") it could work. |
| Miscellaneous: | 6 | The ideas have potential (I especially like the last section's idea, though the execution isn't great). I might add some stuff to the article myself, unless you object. |
| Final Score: | 27 | Hope my suggestions were a bit more helpful than "nothing remotely funny about it". |
| Reviewer: | --THE 23:03, 13 September 2007 (UTC) | |
Ok, what do you suggest buddy? That wasn't really helpful. Elaborate on this and what do mean in-jokes. the How to be funny and not just stupid policy say that being closer to the truth and restate being funny is the thing.--Dark Paladin X 11:20, 13 September 2007 (UTC)
P.S. I think it was Whiterabbit who add in the in-jokes while I messing with the other articles.--Dark Paladin X 11:34, 13 September 2007 (UTC)