Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Solving the Third World Debt Crisis (quick)
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Solving the Third World Debt Crisis [edit source]
Sog1970 16:25, 29 June 2009 (UTC)
| Humour: | 7.5 | Interesting concept and overall decent writing, but right now it needs a little more polish. I think you need to check over this article to make sure that your style of humor stays on track. Avoid namedropping on random things that don't have much to do with the subject- the German Chancellor topless and the A-team are two random, unrelated things that don't have much to do with the topic, so i'd recommend that you get rid of them. |
| Concept: | 7 | Interesting concept that has the potential to be a great article, but right now it doesn't really seem finished. 2 things stuck out in particular: first, like I said, you have a few unrelated pictures and sections. Second, your article doesn't really seem finished. You end it without much of a real resolution, and your article seems like it left off a few days of the "summit" or whatever it was. Try to come up with a real climax or resolution, such as choosing to force the African countries to repay, or putting the blame on one single country, or just ending the summit without much actually getting accomplished. And since this article has leaders from a bunch of different countries in, you might want to add something about a translator or somesuch. |
| Prose and formatting: | 8 | Mostly, you don't make any spelling errors (though you did mispell Barack Obama near the last section), so you did pretty good here. The main thing that I want to address here is your prose. Your images are written from a third person perspective, where the rest of your article is in first person. I'd recommend changing your images so that they sound related to something that a person in the article is saying. The other thing is that this article sort of flows in the style of an UnScript, so maybe you should consider moving it to a different mainspace? |
| Images: | 7 | Soem of them are pretty good, but you should get rid of the unrelated ones. I'm not sure what Angela Merkel and that other guy naked has to do with the rest of your article, so I think you should get rid of those. Those pictures of the A-Team you could get rid of along with the text if you chose to. In terms of new images, you could add images of the world leaders you mentioned. |
| Miscellaneous: | 7 | My overall grade of the article. |
| Final Score: | 36.5 | Well, I think this can be a good article, but it still needs some work right now, Like i've said above, you need to write this as if was an actual summit, or campaign, or TV show, not all 3- that makes it kind of coherent. Pick a setting and make sure you stick with it- i'd go with a world leader's summit- it probably has the most potential for hilarily, but that's just my opinion.
Bottom Line: Stick with one concept, and get rid of excess randomness. Good luck! =) |
| Reviewer: | Saberwolf116 01:37, 2 July 2009 (UTC) | |