Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Socialist Alternative (Australia) (resubmit)
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Socialist Alternative (Australia)[edit source]
Eatmyshorts 06:00, 27 April 2008 (UTC)
| Humour: | 5 | It's got a few parts that are more than adequate, but these seem to balanced out somewhat by parts that seem to just factually explain the woem (admittedly a fake worm, but it's still rather dry). I really like lines such as "Echinococcus Marxolosa programs people's brains to gravitate towards entrances of buildings, corridors, the front of lecture theatres, vegan resturants, Bourke Street, and various political protests ", which grow outwardly towards the end of the sentence to what you would think is more wacky but is still "true". However, lines such as "two members of the International Socialist Organisation contracted the brain worm zoonotically from radioactive pigeon faeces " need to be improved, in part because there are much more funny ways to put this across, and partly because fæces jokes just aren't funny anymore. Two more things: Expand the Inefficaciuos treatments section to more than a couple of lines, and trim the See also section. This is currently OK, but with the potential to be good. |
| Concept: | 4 | This could be a good concept. However, I feel you've took it a fair bit too far here, and towards the end of the article, it gets rather confusing as to what exactly you afre talking about, limiting the potential humour factor of the article. Just try keeping to one type of "worm", rather than extending to "Echinococcus Marxolosa " - maybe just say that EM is the scientific name for the main worm? Either way, with streamlining this could be a lot better. |
| Prose and formatting: | 6 | This is OK overall, but there are are few errors that could be corrected. Spelling is fine, I couldn't find anything wrong with it. The grammar, however, seems to focus on run-on sentences with very few commas that tire the reader out just like this sentence is probably doing right now. I don't know if that was intentional, but, if not, add a few commas or semi-colons to make it easier for the reader to, well, read without running out of (mental) breath. Formatting is OK, though big pictures in the middle generally aren't good - thumbnail it to the left. Try and add a category by putting [[Category:*Category name here*]] at the end, too. |
| Images: | 7 | Now, these, I like, but you could of easily gotten an 8 or even a 9 here just by properly thumbnailing the big picture towards the end and giving it a funny caption. They both tie in very well with the article, they're actually funny on their own, which is a bonus right now, and thetop two have good captions. Solid work here. |
| Miscellaneous: | 5.5 | n/a |
| Final Score: | 27.5 | I like what you've done with this. Expand a bit (read HTBFANJS for tips), streamline it, thumb that picture and this could be a good article. |
| Reviewer: | –—Hv (talk) 27/04 15:16 | |