I wrote this a couple of years ago, when Federer was still no. 1. Now that he's won the French Open and is being hailed as the best player in the world again, this may be my best chance to get it Federer featured while it's still relevant. -- 15Mickey20 (talk to Mickey) 20:53, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
{
|
This article is under review by none other than.....
Stairs.
Let down your hopes, eh?
|
| Humour:
|
8
|
You didn't do that bad ofa job here. You could've done a bit better in areas, and I'll get into that.
- Early Career - Being a tennis fan, I knew where you were going wth some things. Take the first paragraph, for example. It was really funny, and I found it quite enjoyable. And that last line was absolutely golden. I enjoyed it so much. A lot of non-tennis fans/players probably would go "Huh?", but I get that, and it rocks. The second paragraph is good too, the part about the swiss kids skiing and making clocks, though, was excellent. Then you ended the paragraph good. I don't have much to complain about there. THe third paragraph was probably the weakest of the bunch. I mean, it was ok, but to me (and note how I'm in the mental hospital right now) it was a little abrupt at the ending. Maybe you could have said another big loss, if he has any, and then close it off with a funy line about him being only average or something. The thing with the guy losing in the semis was just... meh to me. Other than that though, this section was spot on, And I really enjoyed it.
- Becoming the Best - This section was pretty weak in my opinion. It just didn't live up to the level of the others. The first paragraph was solid, and you did a good job with it. However, it just didn't have the laughs. You're a funny guy, I've read your articles, so I think that you could definitely run some good jokes in there. And then the second paragraph was just kind of... lame, in my opinion. Don't take in personally, but it just wasn't that good. I think. The idea of him crying a lot like a little girl and losing respect seems iffy to me, because it's only natural for someone to cry when they win Wimbledon. So, uh, that idea kinda lost it for me. I don't know what you could do, because I'm not a very good writer like that, but I'm very confident you could make it good.
- Federer The Man - This section picked it back up. Or at least, the first paragraph did. I found ti quite funny, and particularly amusing. I have no complaint for that. Thes econd paragraph, though, was sort of iffy. You have the right idea there, but none of the actual things you mentioned made me laugh, or even smirk. And the last one, where Andy Roddick saved people from th fire kind of confused me with the agent thing. The first paragraph is good, but the next needs improvement. Just lie all the other paragraphs, I'm just going to sya make it funny. You have a good idea, you just need to execute it a bit better. I know I'm not soundig all that helpful, but right now my creativity and idea making abilities are really lacking, o you'll have to stay with me here.
- Style of play - Right off the bat, I would like to ask a question here: Why is this section last? I think it is kind of strange how you have what made him so great go last after you already talked about how great he was. Ok, let me rephrase that: Move this up in the article. Maybe between Early Career and Becoming the Best? I think that is where it would fit the best. The contents are good, so you don't really have to worry all that much. But one thing I suggest after/if you do that is tehn make a proper"conclusion" section, or something similar, to close off the article.
|
| Concept:
|
8
|
You have a good concept here. It was enjoyable for me, mostly because I am not a Roger Federer fan. nro am I a Nadal fan, or anyone popular. I always go for the underdog. But still, the idea of having Roger Federer sound like a bunch of pathetic pish-posh is good. However, I might say I've seen it a bit, where an article is based on making someone look bad. However, you did a good job with the smaller concepts, like at the beginning where the clouds supposedly separated when he picked up the racket. Also, I like the idea in the Style of Play, where you say he doesn't have a good backhand. Best part: They're merely in the top ten, which makes them sort of okay. So, good job with the concept, nothing that I think needs fixing up.
|
| Prose and formatting:
|
9
|
The end , with the Style of Play section, seemed odd looking to me. Just how it ended so abruptly, and it just coems to a flat stop. THis bugged me some bits, and the fact that the picture is lined up wit the end of the text just looked different What I suggest is that you add a "See Also" section, or some nosense to make the ending more lfuent and slightly less abrupt. But other than this, good job, and there was nothing wrong. I didn't see any spelling or grammar problems, and everything looked tidy. Good job.
|
| Images:
|
7
|
Ok, the images were fine. They were dand. They did their purpose. However, I always enjoy at least one funny image. Like a good cho. But even if you don't have one of those, you can make the captions brilliant. I suggest you ty to do that, you don't really need it, but still. It would make your article better all around if you had some funny picture or captions or both. So, you pictures aren't bad, but I would like to see a bit more funny in them.
|
| Miscellaneous:
|
8
|
See below.
|
| Final Score:
|
40
|
Here are the main things you need to do to imprvoe your article:
- Add the funnny -This is probably the only real important thing. Your article is good as it stands, but there are some parts that are just a little iffy, like I said, Fx them up, and this article will be great.
- Get some good images/caption -THis part is very important, it's just a suggestion. Don't do this if you don't want to, I just recommend it.
You have a good article here, with just a little bit of polishing no doubt it is feature material. Good luck!
|
| Reviewer:
|
Staircase CUNt 16:27, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
|
