Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Penis penis Penis penis penis penis Penis penis

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I've always thought this article is funny, purely through the fact of its existence, but the writing was always a letdown. I've tried to give it some actual content beyond just swapping buffalo for penis. -- 15Mickey20 (talk to Mickey)  21:35, August 18, 2010 (UTC)

Humour:	5	Firstly I need to quash rumours of my return. I have ended up in the odd position of sitting outside a McDonald's around the corner from an anime/manga convention killing time. Something about listening to Pikachu who is 6' tall discussing his burger choice with a shorter, morbidly obese sub-zero made me think of visiting here. Okay, on to the review proper. Humour and concept tie in together in this article, as they do in the majority of articles, so seperating the two is difficult. Humour, imnho, is more about the lols in the article though, and concept about the topicality. So let's look at lols. And unfortunately there isn't many. Beyond the schoolboy chuckle at the repeated mention of the word penis. There is a brief titter at the parody of the French, but that's also a very overused cliche, and as my old gran used to say, Cliches won't get the cows milked young puppy. But when you look at the original article from where this was sporked, the humour becomes manifoldly more obvious. This is a clever spork, albeit needing a little more work. The problem there though is that to gain that level of humour you would have to investigate the origin, which means that the humour is reliant on an external source. To expect the casual reader to know the source or to investigate is a little absurd. To put it another way, there is a great article done by MacMania, which still ranks as one of my favourite, about Doctor Who. Having an in-depth knowledge of the subject matter means that I lol intensely at it. However, I wouldn't suggest it would be any more than a light chuckle to someone who doesn't know the series. On the other hand, I know almost nothing about 4 kids, but there are plenty of people who love that article because they know the subject.
Concept:	5	Just got distracted by a Kairi in white lace stockings. Where was I? So in short this article needs not only to be a great parody, which it is, it also needs to be funny of it's own accord, which it falls short on. Now onto the French bit, which with absolutely no knowledge of the history of this article, I'm assuming is the additions that have been made. I like them, but I feel it detracts from the original thrust of the penises. It goes from the exploration of a grammatical oddity into the description of a typical French town that has an unwanted tourist problem, and then back to the original article. It blends in poorly, despite being well written, and gut feeling suggests that it really belongs as an article of it's own accord, although obviously linked in here. Now beyond that, I'd suggest the article needs re-writing to make it stand-alone funny. Taking in more of the original article and subverting that would be an option. Also remembering something relating to a parody history of the brassiere I once read about where characters were named "Phillip de Brassiere" and "Otto Titzling" that has since been accepted to an extent as factual information. (Seriously - there is a question in the original Trivial Pursuit that refers to the inventor of the Bra as Otto Titzling.) By adding more of a fictional human element here there is more of an opportunity for humour. Reworking some of the text that you have in there to get more out of the jokes would be preferred. In the intro for example is: "Don't trouble trouble until trouble troubles you." With a penis. Would work better in my mind as: "Don't fuck fuckers until fuckers fuck with you." But I agree that there is promise in this, but it needs work.
Prose and formatting:	5	Okay, given the topicality this does need some significant work done for it to read as a dissertation on a grammatical oddity written by the hand of a student of the English language. It must be free of spelling mistakes, grammatical errors and clunky language. Having said that, a McDonalds car park is probably one of the worst places to be when trying to spell check something on a mobile phone with a clunky browser. So I'll confess that I haven't. What I did notice is that I had to re-read sections of this a few times over. And yes, part of that is deliberate, but part of it is just poorly written. The Buffalo article doesn't suffer from the same issue. I would suggest now that you have strong sense of the concept and the source of humour to try and rewrite sections to read smoother.
Images:	3	Honestly I struggled with the images. I feel if the sentence structure actually showed the sentence structure it would make the meaning of this clearer, and given that's the source of much of the humour would be my preferred way to go. (Vagina Penis is just an unfunny joke.) The cutaway image of the penis itself looks like someone found a funny image of a cutaway of a penis and stuck it in a hole where it didn't really fit. I have someone that looks like Cloud falling asleep on a bench next to me. Not related to this review, but I thought I'd point it out. The image of the clock tower and the fantastic entendre behind it is a highlight in this section, and a similar image for Penis University (Penis U) would also work well in here.
Miscellaneous:	7	Most of this review I have dedicated to being a critical bastard, but then again I am a critical bastard, so it always helps to play to my strength. I think there is potential to turn what is at present a mediocre article into a fantastic one. I don't think that can be done by watering down the concept - I would rather see a longer penis exploration. I hope that I have penetrated deeply enough into this article.
Final Score:	25	I don't hate it with the firey passion of 1,000 suns. I have to go. I just realised the advantage of a convention that encourages long legged red heads to wear stiletto heels and short tartan skirts.
Reviewer:	Nominally Humane! some time Saturday, 03:35, Aug 21 2010 UTC