Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Orion (2nd Opinion)
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Orion [edit source]
Somewhat based in concept off of Akira Kurosawa.--You know what the music means... Our time is up. 13:58, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
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Let down your hopes, eh? |
| Humour: | 7.5 | You'll see I gave you a seven and one half, which is a bit more than average on my humour scale. I'll explain the good and bad things in your article. Ok, so right off to me this seemed more like an News article than anything else. I read it, and you had those quotes from the people right in the middle of the text. But, I'll get to that later in the concept section. This part is about the actual humour of the article. As for humour, I actually found it quite funny, the dumbass-ness of the Linda and Lionel made me laugh some bits. No doubt the best section of the article was the appearance section. That made me laugh the most, and it wasn't confusing in any way. However, the introduction was a bit confusing, mainly because I didn't really know what way your article was going to be going, if you know what I mean. It went from a serious tone to these dumb astronomers, and it was a bit of a head-scrathcer. But then the rest of it got quite bit a better and enjoyable. One issue theat I have with the article is the fact that it's a bit short; you need more content. Take, for example, other cultures; perhaps you could expand on that? Also, you should probably add another section, so it doesn't look as short. I'll get onto that more in the prose and formatting section. As for the rest of the article, it was funny, but I think it has room for a lot more if you can add some more content to it. The bottom line: Add more funny content, and you're onto a winner. |
| Concept: | 7 | I really do like your concept here. It is very, very enjoyable, fun to read, and it makes me laugh. However, one thing I must bring up is the fact that it almost seemed like a News article, rather than article about a conctislation. However, despite the quotes, it still kept a consistent tone and was funny, so I think you made the idea of all the quotes work very well in your article. It is some what similar to Aunt Ginny’s Saturday afternoon lunch at Bob Evans with the quotes, and that article is good. The bottom line: you took a risk with your concept but you made it work out really well. Good job. |
| Prose and formatting: | 6 | Now, I had a couple of second thoughts when it came to your prose and formatting. The biggest problem for me was the fact that some of your pictures finished past where the text finished. This is why I recommended that you perhaps add another section, and at least add more content to the Other Cultures section. If you do choose to add another section, might I suggest a section abut History? Sure, the constelation may not have a history, but Linda nad Lionel don't need to know that, right? I'm not trying to brag or anything, but I think that sounds pretty good to do. However, you can do whatever you really want. This is just me, but when picture goes past the finishing text it reall really bugs me. But I'll put that aside and give you a better score for it. Also, another thing I didn't like was the fact that your quotes weren't italicized. I know this isn't required, but in my opinion I think it looks much better when quotes are italicized, and it makes them easier to spot out. But that is just me. The bottom line: add content to balance out your image-text ratio, and maybe italicize your quotes, if you wish. |
| Images: | 8 | The first image wasn't very special, but it did its job just fine. One thing I may bring up about that picture is the caption. Let's take a look. Orion, pictured here, holding curvy thing with fist extended in air. It is unknown why it was named Orion, but there are theories. According to Mrs. Irving, "Maybe he's a golfer and just sunk a putt with the curvy thing, and he's celebrating by putting his fist in the air!" That has nothing to do with why he may be called Orion, and instead has to do with why his arm may be in the air. It is very important that you fix that in my opinion. The second image, however, was very funny due to the caption. The image itself was nice, and the caption did an excellent job at finishing it all off. The bottom line: Fix around the first imag'es caption and you're good to go. |
| Miscellaneous: | 7.1 | See Below. |
| Final Score: | 35.6 | Ok, so you have a solid article here, and you don't have much to improve on.
So, you really have minor edits and adding content to do. Nice job, and I'll be glad to see what you do with it! |
| Reviewer: | Staircase CUNt 18:32, 2 August 2009 (UTC) | |