Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Marty Friedman

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User:Monika/Marty

So, um, I'm kind of looking for a completely different type of feedback here. I'm wondering what someone who is not me (for example, you) thinks is going on in this piece - what the message is, where the jokes are hidden, what you noticed and how you read the thing, that kind of stuff.

monika 18:55, 13 February 2008 (UTC)

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Humour:	9	For me, a 10 means that I absolutely cannot stop laughing at any time during the article, that the entire thing was a ride right from the beginning. This article, with the amount of information provided, grew stale as I read over it, again and again and again. The Vandal War was a good thing to look at, that had me laughing, and the images that were put in as said vandalism also made me laugh. LOUDLY. His user page, however, is laughing in humour.
Concept:	9	I feel safe in saying that I would never have thought of the idea of putting into Uncyclopedia an article of a revert war on Wikipedia, and above all, even creating a user account to go with said article, reverting and vandalizing as you went. I am, frankly, jealous of the outstanding idea behind this article, and I honestly hope that this idea does not become an in-joke. The only thing that stopped this from being a ten (which even God can’t do anything about) was the fact that the sheer amount of articles is, frankly, overwhelming. I did not manage to find all of them, and I am not afraid to admit it. From what I did see, this area cannot be improved.
Prose and formatting:	7	Ok, I will honestly admit that this was the hardest article I have yet reviewed, so much to process, so many layers to go through, that I honestly believe any Uncyclopedian reading this would not get the full majesty of the joke. In this article, I was pleased with the outstanding grammatical structure, (including the current revision). I enjoyed how you made the article flow into each other, integrating the current revision in with the old revision. Noticeably missing, however, were words on the User Page. You threw in a few user boxes, but if he is as self-centered as his vandalism to the article indicates, wouldn’t he have a bit of an expanded page? As a side note, I was very happy to see a complete absence of red links. Great job in that.
Images:	9	Your images all contributed nicely to the flow of the article, and in all of them, there was a nice balance between the amount of text put into the article, the amount of images, and the text under the images. Looking at the source code for Marty Friedman/Marty userpage, I noticed that you hada hidden label indicating the user was banned for Vandalism (excellent punch right there). “Playing guitar is a lot like having sex.”, despite the fact it is gramatically incorrect, I feel should not be changed owing to the laugh factor under it. A little reccomendation for you to throw in, a .Gif image. Make sure it is relevant, I saw one event in which a .gif image was placed in, and it was completely irrelevant to the article. Don’t fall into that trap! If, for some reason, there are absolutly no relevant images out there, give yourself a 10 in this category.
Miscellaneous:	8.5	Avg’d as per Pee Review Requirments.
Final Score:	42.5	All I really have to say after reading this article is… “Wow.” I absoultly loved all the work you have put into this article, and I admire how complex it is, but the sheer complexity (which confused me at first!) dragged this article down the bit it did. As with any review I do, I am handing you some homework for this article Find, if possible, a .gif image. Make a table at the bottom (Part of a series on Marty Friedman or something like that, to provide an easy link to the related articles. Take the ones on France as an example) Expand Marty’s page a bit, make that funny as well.
Reviewer:	Warm regards, Javascap 15:52, 20 March 2008 (UTC)

Thanks! 42.5... pretty good for an article that took last place in PLS (or more accurately, tied with this).

(Again, I'm sorry about my extreme grumpiness yesterday. I promise to keep a supply of chocolate next to my computer from now on.)

Marty guest stars on the late night variety / cooking show Chubaw Desuyo.

Question about the request for a gif image: Is the purpose here to add some motion? I did include some youtube clips (reproduced here) in the original "good faith/bad execution" edit to the article for that reason. I'm trying to think of where else this kind of thing will fit well - perhaps on the user page.

I reinstated the "banned for vandalism" tag on the user page. The user page as a whole remains problematic. I know it needs to be expanded but I don't know what to do with it. (Maybe a list of his favorite articles would be a good place to start...)

--monika 22:40, 20 March 2008 (UTC)

Sounds like a good idea to me. That .gif image no longer seems nessecery (I did not see the youtube clips, my mistake =P). And don't worry about your "extreme grumpiness", it gets the best of all of us from time to time (How did you know I keep chocolate within arms reach of me when I am on the computer>!)

Warm regards, 67.189.228.127 23:51, 20 March 2008 (UTC)

Homework update

I've added a [show] tag to each of the page headers that, when clicked, reveals a mini version of the history to allow easy access to all the pages. I felt this accomplishes the same as a "Marty Friedman series" box would do without negating the premise as much. I should probably add something similar to the diff pages themselves but I haven't decided on a format yet.

I've also added to his user page some articles that don't exist that he's written and some articles that do exist that he likes. I will continue to actively try to think of more things to add, but haven't had any other good ideas.

--monika 00:13, 25 March 2008 (UTC)

Added an animated gif to his user page. It pained me to make it, which I'm taking as proof I'm doing it right. --monika 00:55, 25 March 2008 (UTC)