Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Luigi (quick)

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Luigi

El Cheeso 10:05, 14 May 2009 (UTC)

Flyby first off, you need to add images. You can find several Luigi images inCategory:Mario. Also, try to satirize actual events, and avoid celebrity namedropping and needless gay jokes. --Mnb'z 17:48, 15 May 2009 (UTC)

Humour:	4	Hmm. Well, I think you've got a joke and concept there, but your main problem is that you get quite redundant. Just by reading a few paragraphs, I can tell you're going to stereotype Italians. There's nothing wrong with that, but you need to make your punchlines more subtle then that. Instead of just having your article scream "I don't like Italians", fix it so that the reader needs to read more to get the joke. For example: "Although no evidence had actually been acquired, charges were laid on the basis of the fact that all Italians are spaghetti eating gangsters". That sentence slams the joke right in your face, so the reader will be turned off. Write more along the lines of: "Although evidence was minimal, prosecutors said Luigi..." and go from there. When writing a stereotypical article, try to avoid the "all _____ are _____" line. Also, towards the end, you just get sort of random. What does teletubbes and a porn career have to do with Italians? Rework that last section so that's it's more on topic.
Concept:	5	Well, I think there's some potential for humor with one of the Mario Bros., but I think your title is mismatched with your content. Really, this might work better as a section under Italians, because your article seems to be more focused on parodying Italians in general as opposed to Luigi. For this one, i'd recommend you get more in-depth into Luigi as a fictional character- for example, make fun of his incompetence in rescuing the princess while Mario does all the work, or maybe make fun of the fact that Mario is in more games than Luigi is. If you're going to make an article titled "Luigi", then make it more about Luigi- maybe you should read a few Wikipedia articles on the subject; that might give you a good idea of what to parody.
Prose and formatting:	6	I think you space your sections pretty good for the most part, but your images are a little too small, so i'd recommend finding a few larger ones, as well as putting an image in your first setion. Also, I think you should look over your article to make sure you've got all your commas and puncuation correct- you make a few minor mistakes here and there, and fixing them would give your article a better look. Also, your last image overlaps into two sections, so i'd recommend expanding one of those sections and stick the image there.
Images:	4	Like the rest of the article, they're pretty off topic and random. I'd recommend replacing them and getting new images for fitting to Luigi as a character- for example, a screenshot from one of the games, or perhaps a shot of the Mario Bros. fighting over Princess Peach. There are a lot of different ways you can go with this, but you're going to have to get creative here- images could make or break this kind of article; it all depends on how you use them.
Miscellaneous:	4.5	My overall grade of the article.
Final Score:	23.5	Basically, you need to rework your concept so that it centers more around Luigi, with a few, subtle Italian stereotypes here and there. The best things you can do for your article right now are to get rid of the porn and teletubbies jokes, check over for spelling and grammar errors, and replace your images with ones more focused on Luigi as a Mario Bros. character. Changing your concept like this could be difficult, but if you work hard, the end result could be VFH marerial. Bottom Line: Make your concept centered more around Luigi and less around Italians, and expand a bit. Good luck!=)
Reviewer:	Saberwolf116 14:49, 1 June 2009 (UTC)