Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Lost in Space

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Lost in Space

Binky The WonderSkull 01:01, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

I'm here again!--ChiefjusticeDS 18:16, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

Humour:	5	Your humour is a real mixed bag, there are some laugh out loud moments and others that feel out of place and just plain stupid. I would urge you to use your initiative in going through and finding the parts that aren't as good, be harsh with yourself and keep only what you think is your best work. If you don't know which bits to remove then use HTBFANJS as a reference. However in some places your jokes are just misguided and the execution feels wrong, for those you should use HTBFANJS to help you rewrite. My best advice would be to stick to a singular theme and try to avoid branching off into trying to include things like: Incest and other inappropriate scenarios. When you have an actual subject then you can garner far more laughs by satirising or mocking the actual events. For example it would be better to say "The final Star Wars film ends with Darth Vader throwing an evil man down a chute, thus avoiding any blood or suffering as neither of the above appear in Star Wars lest the audience start thinking." It would be less amusing to say "The final Star Wars film ends with Darth Vader and Luke having a transvestite orgy and the emperor wanking himself to death." Regardless how funny you may find either of these, in your article try and stick to satirising the subject matter rather than making up nonsense, as visitors to your article will be wanting to read a humorous slant on a TV series, not a made up story about Penny and Will's incestuous child. My final point on your humour would be to consider making some jokes about the Lost in Space film, if you are describing the series it would be a shame to miss out the film version, you would only have to make a fleeting reference to it, or include a section for spin-off's that the series spawned. Take a look at the Wikipedia article for some ideas.
Concept:	5	Your concept is fine, but your tone is a bit confused. You appear to have opted for the encyclopaedic style which is really the only sensible choice for an article like this. However you are pretty inconsistent and switch from the encyclopaedic third person to the casual first person. Take a look at good examples of the encyclopaedic style in: Clementine Attlee and the first person style in: HowTo:Become Stupid in 21 days, make sure you get rid of anything in your article that sounds similar to the latter. You should also try to get rid of opinions, colloquialisms, profanity and conversational language. Try to ape the style of the Wikipedia article, you do so successfully in some parts of your article, and less successfully in others.
Prose and formatting:	6	You scrape your way to a 6 for this one for having reasonably good spelling and grammar, though I would recommend that you go back and proofread carefully as there are a couple of typos, spelling errors and badly constructed sentences. Now, I am well aware that I am one of the only people on the planet who enjoys proofreading, which is why we have The Uncyclopedia proofreading service if proofreading bores you, or you think someone else would do it better than you, then simply place this template:{{Proofread}} on the page and someone will be with you as soon as they can be. Your image formatting does need some work. Try to avoid crushing images into a row across the page, they would be much better employed elsewhere in the article, breaking up the monstrous amount of prose in the latter part of the article, also consider reducing the number of images, you need some but not all of them, try to be strict in choosing between your images and remove the one that is doing the least for the article. On a completely unrelated note perhaps you could reconsider the name of the section "The Show" and change it to "Episode Summary" and then divide the information into a few sentences about each. Just a thought.
Images:	6	You have lots of images and generally they are all relevant, just bear in mind what I said about the amount of images earlier on. What loses you marks here is the captions, they don't really add anything to the images and seem to compliment the worse jokes rather than the better ones. My advice is to consider them when you consider your humour and apply the same rules to them. Take time over your captions as they can make or break your images so they are definitely worth a second look.
Miscellaneous:	6	My overall grade of the article.
Final Score:	28	My above comments point to an article with some severe inconsistency issues, you can obviously write superbly, but just seem misguided as to how to do it best. Your article has tremendous amounts of potential, so make the most of it and consider my advice. Don't be discouraged by my comments as they are intended to help rather than degrade. If you need any advice, help or if you want to make any comments about my reviews, or my mother then feel free to do so on my talk page. Good luck editing.
Reviewer:	--ChiefjusticeDS 20:39, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for all your advice and feel free to give me more. I didn't start the article I'm just trying to fix it. I know it has parts that don't really go together I'm just trying to bring it all together and also connect it to other articles that talk about Lost in Space. I think it's easier to start an article from scratch than to fix one that's broken! But I'll work with your suggestions. Binky The WonderSkull 21:15, 10 August 2009 (UTC)