Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Heath Ledger

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Heath Ledger

Can we get this in quick before my beautiful PLS entry is once again swarmed with IP addresses who think the are funny?--_{Mgr. Sir} Sonic80^☭ 04:26, 18 August 2008 (UTC)

I've never done a review before so here goes. My review may need reviewing? IronLung 10:08, 28 September 2008 (UTC)

Humour:	6	Some parts of this are gold, the introduction and the Brokeback Mountain sections in particular, but there are some fairly large swathes of this article that don't have any humour in them. A couple of sections need a rewrite or need to go: Birth through Brokeback Mountain, and Red Carpet Controversy. The last section is also not very good. Most of the one-liners consist of adding "pills" to the facts of how he died - it's more tragic than humourous. Overall, the article is totally dominated by drugs, homosexuality and homosexual rape. These things in themselves are not funny. Insinuations, outlandish stories, even puns can make these things funny, but repetition ad nauseum of the same themes without associated jokes does not work. Also, I think there's a great opportunity for hints as to the production of Heath bars, otherwise that section adds nothing to the image which is already quite funny on its own.
Concept:	7	Concept for this article is fine, I don't see what else you can do with an entry for a celebrity but tell his story. I thought that the Heath Bar concept was great, but it was dragged out too much.
Prose and formatting:	5	This was the biggest problem I had with the article. It was very difficult to read due to spelling mistakes, mixed tenses, long fragmented sentences and overuse of commas. "Never was the same after the filmin' and we couldn't figure out what was wrong with him." Said the owner to a reporter at the funeral. This should be one sentence, but it's written as two fairly awkward ones. Ledger began one other project in 2007, where he played a wannabe singer, who ultimately ended up dying, and having a movie made about him, however no one really knows what the story behind the movie was about, much like Brokeback Mountain, however not as impressive, and once again, pales in comparison to it. This is from the same section. It's a massively long sentence broken into nine pieces with commas, which is very difficult to read. Also, I'm not even sure what it's talking about. I would highly recommend consulting a style guide for some good help with this. Reading back sentences to yourself would also help pick this up.
Images:	7	Heath bar image is great, in fact it removes the need for the Contract with Hershey's section entirely. The pre/post drugs images work, but would work better as a comparison image. I like the horse image. The caption for the last image is totally confusing, and I really have no idea what it is meant to say. "En suite" means to form a suite (of two or more rooms).
Miscellaneous:	6.3	An average of the other scores.
Final Score:	31.3	The article as a whole is overly long and the humour is repetitive. Cutting out some of the dead weight would be a good start. It needs to be streamlined and sexified... like a cougar.
Reviewer:	IronLung 10:08, 28 September 2008 (UTC)