Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Feral Child

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Feral Child

Globaltourniquet - (was TPLN) 22:28, 4 June 2009 (UTC)

Humour:	6	Hmm. Well, the idea is interesting, and the writing is good, but I think the big problem is that I really didn't find it that funny. You've got a good setup for some jokes-children being raised by animals sounds like it can be very funny- but I think you need to focus less on explaining it now and more about inserting humor and punchlines into your setup. Maybe you could talk about a wolf child harassing a farmer's lifestock? Or maybe a chimp child making strange noises to women? Something along the lines of that. Another thing you need to focus on is cutting out is the random humor. I think you should get rid of the "other types" section, because Friday the 13th really doesn't have anything to do with your subject. Feral Child Mania also has a lot of unrelated jokes, so I suggest you mess around with that part as well.
Concept:	8	Your concept is very creative and interesting- i'd recommend you expand your concept to apply to other animals as well, such as a loin child, or maybe a dog/cat child, etc. You should also give a more in-depth look at what kind of environment a feral child lives in. Is it treated any differently than other animals in the pack? Does it eat the same food as the other animals? Keep working on this- I think there's a lot about feral children that could be said in an article, so there's plenty of room to expand this.
Prose and formatting:	5	A bit weak. I think the problem is that your types of feral children are divided up into seperate subsections, which kind of makes your article look rough. I'd recommend dividing your different types of feral children into their own, seperate sections, along with an image for each one- that's how an article like this should typically look.
Images:	6	They were adequete, but still kind of a let down. I think there is a lot of potential for hilarity with a potatochopped image on this article, so you might want to contact SonJe about a sort of half-man/half-chimp kind of creature, or something like that. Another idea could be a picture of a bunch of lions surrounding a baby, or a kid hanging from a tree with some chimps. These are just some ideas, but I hope they're helpful.
Miscellaneous:	6	My overall grade of the article.
Final Score:	31	I think you've got a good idea and a solid foundation, but I don't think you add enough humor and punchlines into your article. To recap, the best things you can do for your article right now are too expand on your concept so that it applies to more animals, and add more humor and punchlines related to the treatment of feral children by the animals. I'll be looking foward to what kind of changes you make to this article, as I think it has the potential to be a feature if you write it right. Bottom Line:Work on your humor more, expand your concept to apply to different animals. Good luck! =)
Reviewer:	Saberwolf116 15:59, 14 June 2009 (UTC)