Pooh the hat 10:51, 3 April 2008 (UTC)
| Humour:
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1
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I am going to be extremely blunt here. READ THIS. That was not advice; it is something you absolutely need to do. The grammar in this article, combined with the absence of real humour, almost drove me to give out a 0. Quite frankly, references to ones “Nackers” are next to never funny; and Gay jokes have been overdone to the point of redundancy. What Uncyclopedia needs is some fresh ideas, rather then the same ones being recycled. While you are busy improving this article, I suggest you look at some of the featured articles and see what you can apply to help this article.
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| Concept:
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4
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A biography is very hard to make work, and at the moment, this article needs a lot of it. I have seen biographies make the front page (Paris Hilton and, although not featured yet, Ralph Nader are two examples). You have to present “information” with a straight face, throw in punch lines, and make it funny.
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| Prose and formatting:
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2
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Hoo boy… you are seriously lacking in this department. Quite frankly, you need a heaping of help from the Proofreading service, and you need it now. Your grammar is, frankly, appalling. Only a scant few of the examples are “alone in the locker room and leaped at the rare opportunity” and “Then he gripped harder”. All across the article “I” was not capitalized (An example being right under the picture, “The only photo i could find where he was not being grabbed by the nackers...”.
As this article did not have enough problems in this department, there are only 6 links, combined with two red links (2/6 or 1/3 red links is a pretty poor ratio). You also need to add some more categories, to help people find this article.
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| Images:
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3
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The image could have stood being a little bit bigger, and I also think another one would have fit in rather snugly. To make an image bigger, insert 100px after the image name, and adjust the number until you get the desired size.
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| Miscellaneous:
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2.5
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Avg’d as per Pee Review guidelines
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| Final Score:
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12.5
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The first article is ALWAYS the hardest one to write, and even I am not much of a writer. I honestly never vote at VFD, and I do not think articles (save for one-liners) deserve to be deleted. Unfourtunatally, this article is close to some soul bumping into it and nominating it to be deleted, and frankly, it probably would be. Here is what you can do to fix this article up
- Read HTBFANJS
- Use gay jokes sparingly
- Work on your grammar, or request help from the Uncyclopedia:Proofreading Service. If you have an English teacher, give the article to him/her and request help.
- Add more blue links, scratch out the red links
- Add categories using this template Category:Insert name
- Don’t take this review too harshly, this is your first one, and you have PLENTY of time to improve. With work, this article can easily become better. Good luck!
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| Reviewer:
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Warm Regards, Javascap
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