Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Bad Directions (again)
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Bad Directions [edit source]
fuentfue My Talk : My Awards 04:19, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
| Humour: | 7.5 | Not bad, Fuentfue. There were some pretty good moments in there, and at a few points I actually felt like I was as frustrated as the narrator was. I only saw two major problems: first, you switch off between first and third person (which i'll get into below), and that kind of breaks the mood of the article. Second, I think you should check your dialect a bit- I could tell these guys were rednecks, but you might want to do a bit more research just to make sure your slang is authentic- it'll make the article funnier if the rednecks sound like rednecks. |
| Concept: | 8 | I love the idea of a first person narration on Bad Directions- it has the potential to be a really funny article. Like I said above, though, you need to stay in first person throughout the article to make it funny. I'd recommend changing the introduction and conclusion to make them sound like a confused guy not knowing where he is (such as "Aww, man! I just went to piss, now I can't find the interstate"), and the last section to make it sound like the guy it leaving the town in frustration- articles are much funnier if they sound the same while you're reading them. |
| Prose and formatting: | 6 | Well, I know you're trying to sound like a redneck, and that's ok, but you still occasionally make some puncuation and spelling mistakes. I'd recommend proofreading this just to make sure you've got all the loose ends tied up-first person articles always need to have good grammar (with a few exceptions). Also, your last image feels kind of squeezed in with the conclusion, so i'd recommend either removing it or expanding your last section. |
| Images: | 7 | Decent. The second picture gave me a chuckle, but for the most part, these are the kind of images that are "filler" for the rest of the article- you put them in the right place, so they're alright. My only problem is the last one- it seems kind of random, so i'd recommend you replace it with a more appropriate one, such as a picture of a therapist's office. |
| Miscellaneous: | 7.5 | My overall grade of the article. |
| Final Score: | 36 | You've got a good concept, decent writing, and a few good jokes- it's a fairly good article as it is, but if you work on it some more, it could be VFH material. Like I said above, make your entire article first person, expand your last section and change the image in it, and spellcheck your article to make sure you've got everything right- after you've got all that done, i'm fairly certain this will land on the front page.
Bottom Line: Good article, great concept, work with it a bit more to make it VFH material. Good luck! =) |
| Reviewer: | Saberwolf116 14:55, 23 May 2009 (UTC) | |