Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Antonio Cipriani
Antonio Cipriani[edit source]
Sapphire-and-emerald 07:24, 11 February 2009 (UTC)
- I'll do this one. --Nachlader 10:43, 11 February 2009 (UTC)
| Humour: | 3 | I found few titbits of humour to be scavenged amongst the thick forest of misunderstanding. The article lacks any exclusive, fresh or decent comedy. The article tries desperately to sew external jokes that have nothing to do with focus of the subject, Toni Cipriani, and when it does try to drive humour from the subject, it still appears nonsensical.
The article needs a total clean out if you still want to commit to it. There are numerous factors in the article from each of the concept, prose and image sections that I'd suggest you at least remove. The article could be saved, but I personally don't see much humour promise on making an article on the LCS protagonist. Some of the content tries to talk about other people, even characters from the GTA world that had nothing to do with Cipriani (e.g. Tommy Vercetti), which I think is a case of the article going awry. The article declines further when it needlessly flings and tags insults on every name mentioned in the text (not to mention the reader him/herself), when the reader will most likely not understand why. The attempt at humour in general is messy, rushed, lacking in any general direction and support. |
| Concept: | 4 | Very little sense of deserving value towards the GTA character in question here. It's understandable having an article on Tommy Vercetti or Niko Bellic, but there are people who would agree that GTA:LCS is a minor game, and that Tony Cipriani is not the first name that comes to mind when thinking of GTA. Having played every game of the series myself, I have to remind myself what role he even had in the original, superb GTAIII.
That said, this means this is a very select article, meaning it may not appeal to a general Uncyc audience. That's not the end of the rope, however, as some users can find it very funny, but others just don't feel anything, creating a 'mixed response' article. In most cases, it does at least cut out any chances of VFH. I try to share my own opinion and an assumption of what the general consesus of views from other readers may be. So like, I might find football articles funny, but I realise not many people will get the jokes. The same applies to this concept here; some die-hard GTA fans will like it, but not everybody is a fan of GTA. And as popular as the series is, LCS isn't the most recognised of gaming titles. Even if the concept has some flexibility, the article is poorly executed, as if with an blunt axe instead of the 'save page' button. There appears to be a intentional style and use of prose, to present a mobster kind of language. If this is the case, it certainly fails. Profuse profanity and insults towards the reader does not create an attractive article. One other note: Why 'Antonio' Cipriani? Before I viewed the link, I had no idea you meant Toni from LCS. |
| Prose and formatting: | 3 | Like a crashing sea of treacherous beasts. There is no flow in the course of the language either, just huge waves of collossal mistakes and typos. The water is further tainted by the ugly use of profanity, which may be intentional, given the mobster-related article, but is nonetheless harsh on the eyes of the reader. If it WAS intentional, then it definitely needs revamp. For example, addressing the readers as "you morons" couldn't be any less Italian even if it mentioned the name of the last Milanese duke to tolerate Catholic control of his lands around the Holy See. I don't know enough about stereotypical Italiano-American speak, but from what I learn from GTA, they say "yous" a lot, and in general, add an 'a' after each word. I suppose you can find this kind of thing in the way the article on Italy is written.
The prose is strangled further by the crass introduction of lists. Lists make things easier for writers who don't have enough time on their hands, but that's the thing: for a decent article, the author needs a lot of time on their hands, especially before the article is even in the process of writing. The easier something is, the less sophisticated something will be. Having one list is fine, so long as it doesn't go too far, but two lists is a list too many in my view. Especially if the second succeeds the first list immediately after. |
| Images: | 4 | Points given only for the quantity, as it matches the length of the article, even without the repeated lolcat image. Speaking of which, repetition of the same image is rarely funny, as proved by this article. The lolcat itself is clearly out of place for an article on a videogame character that has nothing to do with domestic animals to start with (except maybe putting dead horses into his restaurant meat pantry).
The Ma Cipriani image is good, although I did hasten to scroll past it. It is worth noting, however, that she isn't even seen in the videogames. The picture of the chicken costume looks like it's from LCS, but I don't exactly remember, maybe it's a coding in the game that's manipulated to turn Cipriani into a chicken-man. Whatever which way, I'd say it's not a helpful image: it didn't automatically make me think it had any relevance whatsoever to the article. It could easily be any random picture of a chicken-man, it fails to support any humour value for me. The final image is ideal, as it presents recognition of the subject towards the reader. The caption for the image could be better though, "Cipriani spots an old lady not unlike his ma" for example. |
| Miscellaneous: | 3.5 | Average'd. |
| Final Score: | 17.5 | Not a good article, I'm sorry to say. The article fell at the first hurdle, but that isn't the end of the race and it could still jump the second. The biggest piece of advice I'd give is to really look at what you'll be writing about. Try not to think about anything else, or how it could be related to the article's subject. Humour thrives on exclusivity, independent from jokes that have been heard before in so many other places. I'd say this kind of thinking would restrict you to the world of GTA at the most, but ideally to LCS all on it's own.
You have a week from today to try and improve the article, or it'll most likely be deleted. Good luck and other opinions are available. |
| Reviewer: | --Nachlader 11:53, 11 February 2009 (UTC) | |