Uncyclopedia:Featured articles/June 21

<airplane engine noise>

RAY: Hi this is Pappy Ray

ERKLE: And this is Erkle...

...and we’re coming to you *live* with the straight talk here on Channel Fifteen: CB twenty-seven point one five five megahertz

Ray: Oh yeah, it do hurts, Erkle

(sound of punching, airplane engine noise rising sharply in frequency)

Erkle: Hey!

Ray: HahahahahaH!

Erkle: Awful jackass! Level us out!

Ray: Yup, we’re here in the Flying Swamp Shack, got us a couple cold ones, up high in the sky over beautiful sunny pre-noon Dallas. And we got a doozy show for you folks today.

Erkle: You said it, Pappy Ray…we got one of the prettiest cities in the South. We got the nation’s best, and I mean *Best* snipers holed up in their favorite spots lookin’ down on Elm Street. Opposing them, we got those keystone cops, the federal Secret Service. And just about to join the action: a president we all love to hate, a pinko nigger-lover who’s just recently landed at Love Field and making his way via open car to the target area: yep, folks, it’s the main event, the hunting game of the decade: we got The JFK Shootout of 1963! (Full article...)