Uncyclopedia:Featured articles/June 18

Finger Cancer is a leading cause of premature death among people who die of hand related diseases. Finger Cancer is prevalent in the entire animal kingdom. The dinosaurs got Finger Cancer all the time and even mushrooms suffer the disease (especially in winter). Right now, at least one human being has Finger Cancer this very moment right now. Victims are always young healthy men who dress well and know how to smile for the camera. Finger Cancer is a silent cancer meaning the cancer is unable to communicate verbally; instead it interacts with the host by infecting the skin of the finger with toxic carcinogens instead of having an open dialogue and a sincere conversation.

There is no cure for Finger Cancer, though some traditional healers claim that rubbing cayenne into one's eyeballs while chugging Frog Semen® helped cure at least one cancer patient according to a Mexican soap-opera. The only proven treatment for Finger Cancer is amputation. All fingers and toes have to go whether they are infected or not – it's either every digit lobbed from the body or the frog semen. (Full article...)