Uncyclopedia:Featured articles/July 17

Ah, broccoli. If ever there were a more disgusting food, I don't know of it. Seriously. It looks like something that came into existence when a Japanese bonsai tree met a slime mold at a bar on a Tuesday afternoon and told her he still had his brother-in-law's van for three more hours, and would she like to come see how the back seat folds down?

Yet, despite its total lack of redeeming qualities, people in your life will tell you to eat it. These people will always be female. If a man tells you to eat your broccoli, grip his face right below the hairline and give it a hard tug. His rubber mask will come off, and you will see that he's actually Mrs. Withers, the old lady who runs the local green grocers.

When these women tell you to eat your broccoli, your reaction will invariably be to ask them: Why? Women have exactly five canned responses to this question. Fortunately, this article is here to help you understand the obvious flaws in these responses and to formulate airtight rebuttals. (Full article...)