Uncyclopedia:Featured articles/January 20

So, would you like to learn how to write lyrics like The Decemberists' frontman Colin Meloy? The correct answer is obviously "yes". All of The Decemberists' songs are very well-written, and read like great works of literature, and are much better than anything you could ever come up with. They're also much, much better than those mainstream pop-rock crap that they call music nowadays. Crap which you probably like, and sing along to sometimes, am I right? I hereby scorn at your inferior tastes and even more inferior intellect. I am so much better than you, I just know it. This fact is also evident in the jeans that I am wearing, which are not just skinny, but extra skinny.

That does not mean I am a hipster, though, contrary to what you might think. They are superficial, pretentious scumbags that I do not associate with, even though they have a habit of showing up at all the bars and art galleries that I go to. For your information, most of them are not even indie enough to have heard of the bands I listen to. This is as close as you can get to learning how to write like a true master of indie. As I impart my wisdom to you, I'm also slowly stroking my beard, and it helps if you have one too. You know beards can help you think deeply and on many different levels, and therefore write better lyrics. You should seriously attempt to get one. (Full article...)