Uncyclopedia:Featured articles/December 16

Hey, good morning, sleepyhead. Last night was pretty crazy, wasn't it? I can't believe how much we drank. Seriously, can you believe we killed that whole handle of Relska? What were we thinking? It's always a good time when I come by, isn't it?

Well, here's the thing: I think I owe you an apology. See, last night, while you were passed out, I ate your Haagen-Dazs. I know, I know, it was kind of a dick move on my part. You shouldn't eat another man's ice cream. It's kind of the guy code.

But I had a reason. Give me a chance to explain. (Full article...)