Uncyclopedia:Featured articles/December 16

MIAMI, Florida — Late Doors singer Jim Morrison surprised everyone but himself when he appeared in person as the Florida Board of Executive Clemency voted unanimously to posthumously pardon him four decades after he was convicted of open exposure and indecent profanity.

Outgoing Florida Gov. Charlie Crist – an admitted Doors fan and recent Senatorial loser to a conservative no-name – proposed the official pardon of the late singer, who was convicted for a disputed incident during a Miami, Florida, concert. When directly asked about the Board's hearing, Morrison told the stunned but admiring media, "Hey! Fuck you! I wouldn’t miss this goddamn case for shit!" He then exposed himself.

Morrison's widow, Patricia Kennealy Morrison, opposed the pardon and begged the Clemency Board to increase the charges against her late husband, who was sitting behind her exposing himself in the first row. She said she was not surprised at the outcome, given that the fans and a few hundred of Morrison's surviving groupies were supporting it. But she admitted she was highly surprised to see her late husband back in action. "He won’t even speak to me, the stuck-up bastard!" Kennealy lamented to CNN. "And since the original charges and trial were a publicity stunt to begin with, it doesn't surprise me that the pardon should attract even more publicity. My husband did not deserve a pardon and his record – in fact all his records – shouldn’t have been expunged, and he is mocking us as I speak." (Full article...)