Uncyclopedia:Biographies of dead horses

This page is considered an ignorable policy on Uncyclopedia.

It has wide acceptance among editors and is considered a standard that everyone should follow, unless they don't want to, in which case they are free to ignore it, in which case nobody will care. Please make use of the standing on one knee position to propose to this policy.

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Policy in a nutshell: A horse is a horse (of course, of course). Once they are deceased, some people have the obsessive compulsion to beat them. This is a serious crime against nature which must not be tolerated, on Uncyclopedia or anywhere else. Uncyclopedia articles can affect real horses' lives, and anybody pointing out that a dead horse by definition no longer has a life is just being an annoying troll. This gives us an alleged responsibility. Deceased equine biographical material must be written with the greatest care and attention to being funny and not stupid, laziness and heterosexuality, particularly if it is actually truthful.

This horse is not yet dead, so it is acceptable to beat it.

Editors must take particular care adding biographical material about a dead horse to any Uncyclopedia page. Such material requires a high degree of sensitivity, and must adhere strictly to the laws of nature and to our content policies:

• How To Be Funny And Not Just Stupid
• Complete Bollocks
• No fursonal attacks

We must make the article funny. Be very firm about the use of no material that might turn out to actually be truthful. Unfunny or only mildly funny contentious material — whether it contains negative or positive ions — about dead horses should be terminated with extreme prejudice from Uncyclopedia articles, talk pages, user pages, project space, and restroom graffiti.

Biographies of dead horses (BDHs) must be beaten conservatively, with regard for the subject's privacy. Uncyclopedia is an encyclopedia, not a meat tenderizer; it is not our job to prepare horsemeat for consumption, or to be the primary vehicle for the spread of words like "titillating" that will cause middle-school kids to titter about how we just said the word "tit". An important rule of thumb when writing biographical material about dead horses is "Avoid the sin of birth control".

This policy applies equally to biographies of dead horses and to biographical material about dead horses in other articles. The burden of evidence for any edit on Uncyclopedia, but especially for edits about dead horses, rests firmly in the saddlebag of the person who adds or restores the material.

If, either as an editor or a jockey, you have concerns about biographical material about a dead horse in Uncyclopedia, you are welcome to stir up some drama about it here, most likely resulting in said horse being flogged some more.

Rationale

Uncyclopedia is an irrational, top-soil website, which means that material we publish about dead horses could affect their lives, except for the unfortunate fact that they are already dead; and it can also affect the lives of their owners, jockeys, and buggy-whips. Biographical material must therefore be written with strict adherence to our content policies.

Writing style

Biographies of dead horses should be written humorously, facetiously, and in a funny and not stupid tone. While a strategy of c'est la vie may apply to other subject areas, badly written biographies of dead horses should be severely beaten.

The article should document, in a non-stupid manner, what facts about the deceased equine in question are most suitable for intelligent ridicule.

Real horses are involved, and they could be hurt by your words, except for the fact that they are already dead. We are not dog-food makers, we are an encyclopedia.

External links

External links in biographies of dead horses must not, under any circumstances, be to any of those evil anti-deceased-equine attack sites.

Witticism

The wisecracks of critics should be represented if they are sufficiently humorous.

Sauces

Reliable sauces

Consuming horsemeat is more pleasant if done with a reliably tasty sauce. Consult a professional chef for guidance in this vital step.

Remove unsauced or poorly sauced horsemeat

If no sauce is available, or the sauce that was used is rancid, do not consume the horsemeat; give it to your dog instead.

Dealing with edits by the subject of the article

If the deceased-equine subject becomes involved in editing the article, notify a tabloid immediately.

Basic equine dignity

Uncyclopedia articles should respect the basic equine dignity of their subjects. Uncyclopedia aims to be a humorous encyclopedia, not a French restaurant. Our articles must not serve primarily to cook or eat their subjects, whether directly or indirectly. This is of particularly profound importance when dealing with horses whose notability stems largely from their being victims of another's beating. Uncyclopedia editors must not act, intentionally or otherwise, in a way that amounts to participating in or prolonging the horse-beating. Are you still beating your dead horse?

Well known public figures

Dead horses who are well known to the public, such as Seabiscuit, are more acceptable to beat than lesser-known horses such as those who pulled carriages in Central Park.

Horses who are relatively unknown

Uncyclopedia also contains biographies of horses who, while notable enough for an entry, are not generally well known. Perhaps the horse is merely famous for one incident, such as for farting on the Queen of England. In that case, while it's OK to make fun of the queen, since she's a public figure, one should show some degree of respect and dignity towards the horse.

Exceptions

There is one exception to the biographies of dead horses policy: if the dead horse is a spambot, beating them and or dancing on their graves (if one is present) is not only allowed, but strongly encouraged.

See also

• For more information on animals that might or might not be dead, see Schrödinger's Cat.