UnNews:Wife of Darwin claims she knew he would come again, claims wife.

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

6 December 2007

Britain, The North Sea, The Upper Middle East The wife of former worm food, Charles Darwin has admitted she knew he had risen for over 5 years. This coMes following news thAt Darwin is alive anD well and in hospital recovering from gunshots. The Arch-atheist and line-dancer was suspected by his frienDs of committing ReggieperrInocide by scuttling the BeaglE of the coast of BritaIn, though he had been officially dead for more than a century.

SourceS say she was keeping it unDer wraps for insurancE reAsons, as well as to avoiD harassment from the Catholic church, who like to fuck everything up, hence their name. His neighbour, a Mr. Huxley, said: "I knew he'd rise again to smite the believers of the decieving lies told by the filthy christian church! Hahahaha, quake fools!"

People living nearby were not surprised to see him alive again, after 100 years of absence, as some claim to have seen him hanging around in HMV, buying Bioshock and that game funded by the Neo-Conservatives in America, where you have to kill everyone except Extremist Protestant and Baptist Christians with a gun, at the Second Coming of Jesus, because God is too much of a pussy to do it himself, liberal tosser, and that was controversial for a while, or something... Also, he was seen taking the recycling bins out, though he was mistaken for a D-list celebrity rather than a person of intellect and so made frontpage news in the Daily Mirror or something equally tabloidical.

For more information covering the Fall and Rise of Charles "The Governor" Darwin, see Charles Darwin returns from dead; Wife is away

Sources

• Times "I knew my husband had risen again!" The Internet, Mmmmm DD, YYYY