UnNews:Whirlpool Galaxy files restraining order against Neil deGrasse Tyson

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No touching, Neil

Whirlpool Galaxy files restraining order against Neil deGrasse Tyson

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SPACE – The Whirlpool Galaxy (Messier 51a), a gravitationally bound system of billions of stars located approximately 15-35 million light-years from Earth, has filed a restraining order against Neil deGrasse Tyson. Tyson, an astrophysicist and science educator, has been embroiled in controversy following several accusations of sexual misconduct, including an alleged rape that occurred during the 80's, a decade dedicated almost exclusively to rape.

Messier 51a had already filed a criminal complaint against Tyson due to what the spiral galaxy described as "years of repeated, unwanted surveillance" and "telescoping stalking." The criminal complaint and the restraining order request were intercepted by the Arecibo Observatory, and processed through the U.S. Federal Court system. Tyson later issued a response in a public Facebook post:

As a man of science, I cannot help but act on my purely platonic urge to gaze upon the beauty of cosmos, in all their awestruck wonder. The Whirlpool Galaxy is a prime example of what astronomers call a grand-design spiral, due to its well pronounced spiral arms. Its interaction with neighboring dwarf galaxy Messier 51b has provided researchers a veritable treasure trove of data about galaxy formation. What I wouldn't do to taste the ringed rims of this astronomical goddess, to dive into her endless oceans of globular clusters.

Once a judge approves the restraining order, Neil deGrasse Tyson will be shot into space, and forced to keep at least 50 million light-years away from Messier 51a. Messier 87 has also expressed concern about Tyson's voyeurism, after alleging Tyson had repeatedly ogled at the elliptical galaxy's supermassive blackhole.

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