UnNews:Whatever happened to the Large Hadron Collider?

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

14 April 2009

Do you think we'll ever find Geneva again?

GENEVA, SWITZERLAND - There was all this fuss last year about some sort of time travel machine but now it's all gone. UnNews investigates what happened to the Large Hadron Collider?

It was famous for Destroying God by accident (who recently claimed that he hates Uncyclopedia), created numerous black holes in our atmosphere, creating wormholes, giving Conspiracy Theorists dirt to mess around with, destroying Switzerland and also proving the Mayan doomsday prophecy. Of course we shall never forget that these things happened, but what is it doing today? Recently made-homeless George W. Bush, the elected president of CERN has claimed that he has many plans for the 6 billion dollar machine including converting it into a Starbucks, converting it into an underground railway system for the non-existent city of Geneva or renting it out as a Star Trek exhibition center. Either way, businessmen are very excited about the new opportunities being created.

The main question at hand though is what happened to the Physicists in charge of the machine? The fact is, do not worry yourself about it, SERIOUSLY DON'T. And by the way, if you were near Switzerland at the time of implosion, you should probably check up with the doctor.

However, whatever happens to the Large Hadron Collider, it will always be in our hearts as one of the greatest examples of human dominance (ask God about it. Whoops, too late)