UnNews:What your hallowe'en costume says about you

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Welcome to the UnNews guide to what your Halloween costume says about you...

A great costume, five years ago.

Heath Ledger's Joker - you are an alpha male, a creative thinker, and also something of a free spirit. No one knows if you will end up launching your own internet business or totally just shooting every one down on campus. You're a big sexy loose cannon. That movie was made in 2008 by the way.

Slutty Catwoman - despite the shared etymology with the costume above, you are an altogether different creature. Presumably, the real evolution of this costume is that, once upon a time people dressed as black cats, and then sexy black cats, and now Slutty Catwomen. Let me break it down for you. Your goals on Hallowe'en are either a) to get laid or b) to be a big prick tease. Either way, it's not cool.

Man with black hair dressing as Dracula - you are a lazy bum. I can only presume that you take the same slapdash, quickie approach to your love life, and leave your beleaguered girlfriend rolling her eyes after two minutes of stuff and nonsense.

Ghost - you're lame. You're a big lame-o. Did you just throw the sheet over your head and poke holes in it, or did you add some gay embellishment like a smiley face, as if they made it all ok? Further demerits are due if you only got a single sheet, and barely covered your body properly.

You're this funny.

No costume but funny card hanging around neck - maybe something like, "Error 404, costume not found" or "Convicted Rapist". You are the walking equivalent of one of those 'funny' Facebook pictures, where the observation isn't funny, and the presentation of it just about makes it acceptable.

Wonder Woman - ditto Catwoman, but even lamer due to the absence of black or gothic undertones.

Edward Scissorhands - how good you are is entirely defined by what you used for the scissors.

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