UnNews:What now for man raised by puffins?

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

16 September 2007

Gordon Mendez, alleged son of rich industrialist Bruno Mendez, was abandoned as a baby in the Galapagos islands. Mendez's life appeared to be over until a family of puffin's took him under their wings so to speak, and raised him as one of their own.

Mendez has only recently been released when he was spotted by a Jamaican fishing boat, being thrown up and down by the puffins. The boat came over and took him back to Iguari where he was sent on a plane home to London. Mendez is now 62 and hasn't been back to London since the age of 3 months. The big question is what state is Mr Mendez in now? We caught up with him for an exclusive interview. (please not that the animal sounds Mr Mendez made have been translated into English, however they may not all be completely accurate.)

Mr Mendez what have you learned in the 62 years with the puffins? Well I've learned that puffin's can raise a man and make him perfectly normal. I've never seen anyone else being raised however I assume this is how it should be done. They are loving family of puffins and I will miss them dearly

The puffin family that raised Mendez

How did you live in the Galapagos islands? I learned how to fly fish, which is a combination of fishing and flying, look I'll demonstrate for you.. (At this point Mr Mendez got on the table and flapped his arms about, he then went to Gold Fish tank and removed Bertha the mother fish)

Thank you Mr Mendez. Now where did you sleep when with the puffins? Well the puffins originally for the first 4 years allowed me to sleep with them, however once I grew too big, they made a communal bed, which was them huddled together, which I rested on. During the ages of 45 to 53 I was obeice so the puffin's made me sleep on the rocks

Now Mr Mendez if you wouldn't mind asking did you have any relationships whilst you were there?

Well I did fall in love with many puffins, it's just the dynamics of the two bodies made it difficult for anything to develop. (Mr Mendez then jumped on the table and started squawking out of the window. The interview was then forced to be halted.

So Mr Mendez has been returned to his brother Quentin, who will care for him in his old age. This remarkable story is spreading all over the world but unfortunately the question has not yet been answered, what now for man raised by puffins?