UnNews:Wal Mart Opens Up Store on Mars

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

25 February 2012

As you can see, they haven't got around to building the parking lot.

Mars -- A rumor has been in circulation stating that NASA is sending a mission to colonize Mars. They will send 3 astronauts to live permanently on Mars. Wal-Mart executives grew excited after hearing this news. They reasoned that the astronauts would miss having cheap garbage that was made in China, so they prepared ahead. This morning, Wal-Mart stated in a press release that it has finally completed the Mars branch of the Wal Mart enterprise.

The Chinese have also taken interest in Wal-Mart's Mars enterprise. In order to make the products even cheaper so that they can make a profit, they are sending rockets to Mars to create factories powered by robots that will make the products. These factories ensure that the products will be at their absolute cheapest AND it gives the Chinese an excuse to pollute another planet.

Taking advantage of the lack of labour laws on Mars, Wal-Mart management has hired former illegal immigrants -- who were deported all the way to Mars just to make sure they got the point -- to be paid well below the minimum wage, work long hours and receive no benefits.

NASA has told us that they have canceled the mission to colonize Mars because Obama signed the wrong piece of paper and had the Kennedy Space Center demolished.

Wal-mart has yet to comment on the subject. Meanwhile, China and Wal-Mart are making use of this by using the factories on Mars to make products of the cheapest quality and abide absolutely no environmental laws. Rockets go to Mars, pick up the products, and drop them down to Earth. Space tourists are now forced to visit this Wal-Mart as a gift shop.