UnNews:Virgin Mary seeks counselling
|
This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
25 April 2007
VATICAN CITY, Vatican --- Spokesmen for the Pope admitted today that the Virgin Mary is undergoing psychiatric counselling for depression. In a written statement released by the Holy See, the Vatican admitted that "The Blessed Virgin has been feeling blue lately and is in need of some time off. We attribute this to her very busy schedule. This year alone she has appeared at various shrines in developing countries, numerous visions all over the world, on a tortilla, on the sides of three different office buildings, and on one car dealership. She simply cannot keep up the pace."
Insiders, however, admit that there is more to the story. "Have you seen her statues and paintings lately?", quipped one Catholic insider. "She never smiles. Sometimes, she's even crying! What are you gonna do?" When asked what the problem was, our source who wishes to remain anonymous said, "They blame her workload, but that's not it. She's still worked up about that whole thing with them killing her kid. I tell her, LOOK! He's not dead, right?! He rose again... He's up there in heaven. The boy's happy! Besides, it was 2000 years ago. Let it go. It doesn't do any good, though. She just walks around frowning all the time."
Vatican physicians have prescribed a daily dose of Prozac and are watching the situation very closely. "It'll be alright", assured Dr. Feelgood from the Catholic Church. "We have very effective therapies for this kind of thing. She'll be back saying the rosary again in no time."
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Sophia Headbanger "[ www.vaticangossip.org]" Vatican Gossip, 04-25-07