UnNews:Vatican declares Bruce Springsteen "God's first prophet in 1400 years"
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21 June 2008
Vatican City - Today the Pope made a speech people were waiting anxiously for. The media had hyped it, so it was going to be near impossible to live up to it, but it did, when Pope announced that God had sent down a new prophet for the first time in 1400 years (2008 if you're not counting Muhammad). Excitedly, he said "God's latest prophet is... BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN!" The statement was followed by hours of cheers, and the rabbis and caliphs at the Vatican agreed that Bruce was God's 29th (or 28th if you're not counting Muhammad) prophet.
Bruce himself was at first skeptical, but agreed to the title when God and Jesus descended from heaven to tell him the news, along with Abraham and Moses. Bruce is now set to go on a tour in the Middle East next year, in hopes that his songs will bring peace, since the recent declaration of permanent war between Israel and Palestine.
When asked why Springsteen, God said "My friends and family and I really love his work. He totally deserves it." Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has issued a fatwa against God for blasphemy.
Jesus has joined Bruce as a backup and duet singer in the E-Street Band, and has also signed up for Bruce's "Human Rights Now!" rallies. "Bruce is an old friend of mine. It's great to finally play in his band, meet the big man, etc. They're all great guys."
He and Bruce sang, on Jesus' first show with the band, songs such as "The Rising", "Mary's Place", "Leap of Faith", "Jesus Was an Only Son", "Blood Brothers", "Born in the USA", and "Blinded by the Light". Patti Scialfa was quoted saying "Jesus and Bruce have been good friends for awhile, I'm glad to finally get a chance to hear them sing together. Jesus has an amazing voice."
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Abraham, Moses, and Elijah (currently missing) "Heaven. (Warning! You'll have to die to get here)" God, June 21, 2008