UnNews:Union City celebrated 250th anniversary of Marines
 | This article (or at least parts of it) was very likely written by AI |
15 November 2025
UNION CITY, New Jersey - In a surprise move - one that has historians scratching their heads and local politicians raising their eyebrows - Union City officially redeclared itself the birthplace of the United States Marine Corps this weekend: just in time for what would be the iconic "250th Anniversary" of the Corps, if you squint hard enough.
Marines, But Make It Local[edit | edit source]
At 9:00 a.m. Saturday, the Union City Council held a special “proclamation session” out in the courtyard of City Hall, replete with overexuberant JROTC cadets, a banner emblazoned “Semper Fidelis, Semper Union City,” and a surprisingly large number of people who apparently thought “Marine Corps” meant “marina course.”
Mayor Delgado explained to the crowd, "We are not just any city — we are the city," he said, pausing for effect. "We are the city that should have founded the Marines." Later, he clarified, while that is historically not correct, the sentiment is "very patriotic and also very good for tourism."
Historical "Revelations"[edit | edit source]
A local historian - whose credentials include "reads old books" - said he found letters from 1775 that were most certainly written from Union City, though most of the letters mentioned only "some fightin'" and "the water's kinda salty here." According to him, "if you read between the lines … and ignore the geography … it all adds up."
The Council announced a mock “Marine Corps Heritage District” downtown, complete with unlicensed sea-themed statues — a dolphin holding a rifle? yes — and a “Marine-ified” trolley tour. The centerpiece of the tour: an entirely fabricated old dock where “the first Union City Marines” allegedly practiced their marching — though precisely how, nobody’s quite sure, since “docks are wet and marchers don’t like wet shoes,” one councilor admitted.
Veterans, Cadets & … Confusion[edit | edit source]
To lend some gravitas, several Union City veterans were invited-many of whom were never actually Marines-to cut a giant cake shaped like an anchor. "My grandpa was in the Navy," said local Rosa Martinez. "But sure, he can pretend to be a Marine today."
The JROTC cadets marched in formation, but were briefly delayed as one cadet rather vociferously asked, "Wait, do we march like Marines or like fishermen?" Officially, it was described as a "strategic maneuver".
The Bigger Picture[edit | edit source]
According to the event organizers, the goal is two-fold:
1. Celebrate Service — Though the historical claim may be debatable, they say, “honoring military values” is still important in Union City.
2. Increase Civic Pride/Exposure — By associating itself with the Marines, Union City figures it will draw more visitors, at least those who are into patriotic murals or giant anchor statues.
National Reactions[edit | edit source]
Across the country, Marine enthusiasts were… politely confused. Some joked online: “Next up: Union City claims to have invented the American flag, too.” Others expressed mild admiration for the boldness: “If you’re going to rewrite history, do it with jazz hands,” one commenter posted.
Meanwhile, actual Marine Corps representatives had politely declined to comment, with the exception of a spokesperson who made an official statement thus: “We appreciate enthusiasm. Please stop claiming our history when none of the facts check out.” Final (Totally Serious) Thought As the sun set over Union City, the mayor raised a toast - with sparkling apple cider - and told the crowd: "Here's to 250 years of Marines - and also 250 years of us pretending we started it." The assembled residents cheered and laughed and nodded because, after all, what's celebration without a little creative license?