UnNews:Ukraine plane crash story finally has third salient fact

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

21 July 2014
LOS ANGELES, California - News channel producers are rejoicing after the Malaysian Airlines Flight 17 story was finally furnished with a third salient fact.

Rebels finally allowed crash experts to come in and collect evidence, breathing life into what had been a nightmare scenario for broadcasters. "We had really been struggling," one editor, who wished to remain anonymous, told us. "All we had to go on was 1) It's really tragic and 2) We don't know who did it as no one can access the area."

News teams struggled manfully with the dreaded combination of high intrigue and no information, as this transcript from BBC News 24 shows:

HUGH

After the tragic events on Thursday, victims of the relatives paid tributes to their lost loved ones, and religious ceremonies were held. Tina Jackson is in Amsterdam, at one such ceremony.

TINA

Thank you Hugh. The scenes here have been undeniably tragic. 297 people have died and here, behind the cathedral behind me, families have gathered to pray for the dead. Tragic scenes.

HUGH

Thank you Tina. Many have pointed the finger at Russia, but all such accusations will remain unconfirmed until pro-Russian rebels in the Ukraine allow experts access to the site. Stan Green is at the scene in Hrabove.

STAN

That's right Hugh, as you say, the crash site is just behind me, but no one knows anything because we cannot gain access to it. Any footage we show you will simply involve rebels walking around bits of black things. Most of the international community is swaying towards accusing the rebels of being behind the attack, but Moscow points the finger squarely at Kiev. So no one knows

HUGH

Anything else Stan?

STAN

It's very tragic.

HUGH

Indeed it is. Over to Tina Jackson now, who is speaking to a relative of one victim outside the commemorative service, and I believe Tina, he had a Facebook page, or a Youtube video, which makes things even more tragic...

"What some of our viewers are too stupid to understand," our source continued, "is that most of the time, 24-hour news doesn't make any sense at all. We either repeat news you would have heard elsewhere ad infinitum, or - and this is when everyone turns on - some big story goes down and we have a presenter, an inhouse analyst, an expert via satellite and two roving reporters - and nothing, absolutely nothing to report.

"This was a tragic event. We don't know who did it - BUT! we might know soon. More coming up after the break."