UnNews:US Attorney General refuses to prosecute self for contempt

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
UnNews Logo Potato.png This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

1 July 2012

Injustice was served today by Justice

WASHINGTON D.C. -- US Attorney General Eric Holder moved Friday to shield himself from lawful prosecution after the United States Congress voted to hold him in contempt for refusing to provide criminally incriminating evidence against himself and his cohorts.

The contempt vote opened the door for Congress to call on Holder to bring the case against him before a grand jury. But because Holder works for himself he was advised to invoke his 5th Amendment protection.

According to some the Fifth Amendment allows even known and obviously guilty people the right to refuse to testify as a witness against himself or herself. And, by extension, it allows the US attorney general the right not to prosecute himself, or a guilty hangman the right not to hang himself.

Also because Holder’s co-conspirator, President Obama, has asserted Executive Cover-up over the incriminating documents in question, and has also asserted his 5th Amendment right, many had expected the Justice Department to also plead the 5th. Holder himself refused to comment. But his attorney, Eric Holder, said that he flatly refuses to prosecute the case against himself because it is Racism and a clear violation of his constitutional and civil rights.

Holder confirmed in a letter to House Speaker John Boehner that his department in fact would not pursue prosecution against itself nor against himself. Holder’s attorney also contended that the attorney general’s withholding of documents pertaining to Operation Past and Curious “does not constitute a crime.”

Holder also dared Congress to do something about it, and he threatened to throw them all in prison for contempt of Department of Justice. “They're either with us or they're with the terrorists!“ Holder said of Congress.

Meanwhile John Doe in Tampa, Florida has been arrested for Jaywalking and sentenced to six weeks in jail. Doe also commented to Unnews, “America is such a fair country that - regardless who you are - if you commit the crime then you do the time! God bless America!“ Doe smiled. “Now I have somewhere to sleep tonight!”

Sources[edit | edit source]