UnNews:Trump to put ban on smiling in 2026

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Saturday, January 10, 2026

Trump calling China telling them that "Tariffs have been raised to... um... um... Honey what's that number? Oh... Yes... two hundred percent!"

As of January 10th, 2026, Trump has revealed plans that anyone seen or suspected of smiling will either be deported to a country including, but not limited to, "Turkmenistan, Russia, uhh, New Mexico, North Korea, or, uhh, Mars. It's fantastic, really." A secondary punishment for breaking the Anti-Smiling bill is being "TARIFFED¹ TO HELL!". No one has figured out what this means as of yet. This new law is effective July 32nd, 2026. When RFK was interviewed about the logic behind Trump's plans he responded, "Uhhhhhhhhh... It causes cancer? Uuuuuuuhhh... Which can be combated by eating roadkill." This ban on smiling is part of a widespread mania of bans, all blamed for causing cancer. Some of these bans include: vegetarianism, gyms, affection, education, parsnips, fun, books, Oscar Wilde, Jimmy Kimmel, rubber duckies, and left socks. The Trump administration claims that these bans will decrease the amount of people who die from "Doorknob Overconsumption". Trump believes choking on Doorknobs is the #1 threat that minorities face, and looks to eliminate the threat. Once all Doorknobs have been removed from the US, Trump will begin threatening countries who refuse to relinquish their Doorknobs with nuclear war. According to Trump, "Only the round ones. The, uhh, long rectangle ones are fine. Everyone's talking about it." After Doorknobs have been eliminated, the President plans to pay Canada to engineer unmeltable snowmen who will be the new face of I.C.E.

An artist's rendition of the snowmen soon to work for I.C.E.

¹ Tar·iff

/ˈterəf/

1:a tax or duty to be paid on a particular class of imports or exports.

"the reduction of trade barriers and import tariffs"

2: The most beautiful word in the English language.

"Let me tell you, folks, we're, uhh, talking about the most beautiful word in the language. It’s, uh, tremendous, really. Everybody’s talking about it. You know it, I know it—it’s just fantastic. People love it. Believe me, you, a, you won’t find a better word anywhere."

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