UnNews:Trump declares things people already know

Friday, September 16, 2016

Mr Trump's hair was still struggling to recover from the ruffling he received from Jimmy Fallon.

Presidential candidate Donald Trump called a press conference today in which he stated the blindingly obvious.

“President Barack Obama was born in the United States, period,” said Mr. Trump, before adding, "Not all Mexicans are rapists. Building a wall along the US-Mexico border would be impractical, hugely expensive, and most likely ineffectual. Mexico would in no case pay for it.

"The sun does not orbit the earth, it is the other way around. Even though it feels flat, the earth is round.

"Hillary Clinton's constant schedule of debates and speeches means she is unlikely to have vascular dementia. Her coughing fit does not necessarily mean she is dying. The idea that she is dying and is hoping to be president anyway is improbable.

"Vladimir Putin is not a particularly nice person.

"Thousands and thousands of people did not cheer in New Jersey on 9/11.

"We would not be able to shut all Muslims out of the country.

"The Rolling Stones have not released a decent song for three decades."

Sources

• Leverage, "Trump: 'Obama born in US. Period'" BBC, September 16, 2016