UnNews:Trump/Pence make up for awkward kiss with lovemaking session
Thursday, July 21, 2016
Donald Trump and Mike Pence soon put their awkward kiss behind them - by making sweet, passionate love, it has been confirmed.
Trump, the newly-confirmed Republican candidate, was widely mocked last night for what appeared to be a lame show of chutzpah which went awkwardly wrong - but his spokesmen insist that couldn't be further from the truth.
"That awkwardness was not about a man's moment of confusion about whether kissing another dude would look super funny and jocky, or just plain gay," campaigner Joanna Corey (who urged us to state she did not write Melania Trump's speech) told UnNews. "No, it was merely the natural nerves one feels when confronted with one's true love - and was simply the foreshadowing of a tempestuous night of lovemaking."
According to the puppet show which was performed in the press conference, the two senior statesmen went back to Trump Towers for a candlelit dinner, followed by a bath for two. The bath climaxed with some inevitable heavy petting, before Mr Trump suitably took the lead and suggested "moving this party into the bedroom."
The two men, who have a combined age of 127, then spent an impressive three hours making love. Mr Pence has long been renowned for his sexual prowess, with his nickname in college being Sixpence for his supposed ability to hit it six times a night. Last night he and his senior partner each achieved "countless" orgasms before falling asleep in each other's arms, if the puppet show's depiction is to be believed.
Corey said: "In this campaign Donald Trump has become famous for wanting to build walls - but he is also a man who knows how to kick in a back door."
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