UnNews:Time Warner cable asks customers to 'imagine' CBS shows
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
26 August 2013
HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA - Time Warner Cable held a press conference yesterday regarding the state of the ongoing CBS blackout. While he talked mostly about how much better cable is than over-the-air, one point he did not dodge was what people should do for CBS programming which he answered with swift confidence. "About CBS, you can just tune to Channel 2, stare at a screen stating that it's not available and just 'imagine' it. Hey, we all had imagination when we were kids and it kept us entertained for decades. I'm sure your imagination will help you get through this troublesome ordeal." said TWC chief Glenn Britt.
Several people were mixed in their reactions following said press conference; one loyal TWC viewer said "I don't know if I can imagine the shows, I mean I like seeing LL Cool J on NCIS: Los Angeles but I don't know if I can place him in a complex situation where he always catches the bad guy, it's just too hard."
However, another longtime TWC viewer said "I hadn´t used my imagination in years, it's nice that there's a way I can flex my creative muscles now. In fact I already used my imagination to come up with my own Big Bang Theory episode. See, it involves Sheldon and he gets a sex change to become a girl than her and his best friend get into some hot sex complete with kinky camera angles and scientific references; it was the best thing in existence. I hope the blackout never stops!"
CBS has, however countered back; giving away free over-the-air antennas to people who can't receive their programs. TWC have sicned responded, saying that "over-the-air antennas causes people to lose their ability to reproduce and turns them into gay people who give out F's; this is nothing more than an attempt to punish TWC viewers for subscribing to TWC." While UnNews has been unable to prove the veracity of this last comment, we believe it's true because, really, do cable companies ever lie to us?
Lastly, TWC chief Glenn Britt promoted an upcoming airing of "Unforgettable" where the lead character has sex with her co-partner, all to remember something she's long forgotten. He said that it'll be "a literal blast". On Imaginary CBS, Sundays at 9.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Don Reisinger "CBS offers antenna to customers who want CBS" CNET, August 23, 2013