UnNews:The Wiggles reveal why Greg left
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
7 February 2011
SYDNEY, Australia -- The Wiggles have been the idols of Australian youngsters since the group was founded in 1991. But after founding member Greg Page left because of "health issues" and made up a story about it, some were suspicious. That was not the reason he left, say the other three.
We first interviewed Anthony Field, the Red Wiggle. "It started about in 2004, when he started staying at fancy hotels and we got mad at him", says Field, "But he became depressed after that blowout. He began to drink more often and came into the studios drunk. He liked to make gay jokes about Raffi, he used to go 'Baby Beluga is a metaphor for being married to a fucking gay' and 'Everything grows...especially his dick when he sees pictures of men.'"
Jeff Fatt, the Purple Wiggle, added "He used to really make fun of me. He always made fun of the Wake up, Jeff! stuff, and he used to go 'Wake up, Jeff! Your boyfriend left!' He also used to come into recording sessions drunk and at one point injured the producer after tossing a beer bottle at him."
Murray Cook, the Blue Wiggle, then told us about the final straw that the other two refused to talk about:
"We were to do a live show for underprivileged kids. It was about healthy eating. Suddenly Greg came in, drunk as usual. We told him to go away, but he started laughing. Then the show began. Dorothy the Dinosaur walked in holding a plate of chocolate chip cookies, tuna sandwiches, and glasses of fruit punch. Greg was handed a knife because we all thought he was sober. Suddenly, before the curtain was to go up, Greg suddenly ran on the stage towards Dorothy. God knows what he was seeing. He was probably on acid too. He ran towards Dorothy and pummeled right into her. The fruit punch spilled all over him as he was holding the knife. Dorothy lay on the ground with fruit punch all over her chest. As the curtains opened, what the children saw was Greg holding a knife with red all over it and his shirt had red all over and Dorothy had red all over. They thought Greg had killed Dorothy. Greg then laughed before chasing kids into the audience. We voted to kick him out before the press found out. Greg's time was over."
Apparently, Greg lives in a rundown apartment in Toronto with Steven Page, who had a similar issue.
