UnNews:Students unsure about condoms
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
25 April 2007
SHITEHOUSE-BY-SEA, UK -- Many university students lack basic understanding about condoms, a survey suggests. A third of those polled thought latex condoms were an elaborate government conspiratorial hoax and refused to believe in their existence
One student respondent, Kyle Sheathrib, expressed the cynical view of many, "I mean, if condoms exist then how come we don't see any hybrid rubber human beings wondering around. You don't, do you?"
"The worlds governments wants to subjugate us all by by scaring us into thinking that these big floppy rubber monstrosities are forever hanging over us, threatening us with the AIDS and babies. I for one won't be falling for it!"
When shown a condom Mr Sheathrib fell to his knees and dug his eyes out with his own thumbs, "no, its not true, ITS NOT TRUE", he screamed before ripping out his tongue. Doctors are optimistic that he may be dead by the end of the week.
Other students, whilst accepting the existence of condoms, displayed a worrying lack of understanding of their purpose. One such student, one Mary Drooptit, exemplified this, "I smoke about 20 Durex a day, it gives me a bit of a headache but at least I won't be getting the AIDS any time soon."
Mary, 21, is expecting her tenth baby in July, "I think there must be something in the water", she said last night.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- BBC "Won't it suffocate?" BBC, April 25, 2007