UnNews:Stuart Hall removed from female young offenders institution

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26 July 2013

Hall's minions in action.

Stuart Hall, the BBC'S sixth most notorious paedophile, has been moved to a secure unit after authorities discovered he had accidentally been imprisoned in a female young offenders' institution.

Hall was sentenced to 15 months in prison after his barrister unsuccessfully argued, "in the dock today is a frightened and bewildered 83-year-old man answering for the touching - no more, no less - of all of 13, not 1,300, victims over a quarter of a century ago."

The jury were outraged at such a flippant attitude to child abuse, and duly sentenced the former football commentator to 15 months - more than one month per abuse victim.

However, the case took a twist yesterday when it was revealed that Hall was mistakenly sent to St Trinian's Correctional Facility for Naughty Girls instead of Belmarsh. When officers finally realised their mistake, they found Hall with his wispy white hair in bunches, covered in tattoos, apparently running a kind of prison gang full of butch girls from different ethnic backgrounds.

One inmate, who was found tied up in Hall's cell with stolen shoelaces, was initially hysterical when police rescued her, but later reflected, "It's so messed up but... I love him. With his lovely posh voice, and his bald head, he is a was like a grandfather to me. But in other ways, he was much more like my step dad."

Sources

• Leverage, "Stuart Hall's sentence for sex attacks on girls is doubled to 30 months" Guardian, 26 July, 2013