UnNews:Stephen Hawking is a killer on the loose

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1 January 2013

Gio Compario holds onto his wife for the last seconds of his life.

CAMBRIDGE, England -- Stephen Hawking is on the run (figuratively speaking) after killing 8 people in a mad frenzy at a party in Cambridge. Hawking,70, killed Gio Compario and two others by creating a black hole after Compario started to sing. He then phasered 5 others before making his getaway, at a speed of warp 9. Apparently, ever since birth Stephen hated people singing. "I remember when people used to sing him "Happy Birthday" one of his old school friends recalls "It was really quite funny because he would run upstairs while everyone else has his cake"

"He was quite he lunatic" another friend said "Always going on about science and time loops and loads of crazy ideas about making black holes"

This black hole is very popular, even though it sucks.

I have been told there are ways to create your own black hole...

Remember kids,don't try these at home

WAYS TO CREATE YOUR OWN BLACK HOLE

  • Mixing Pepsi and Coke
  • Mixing Diet Pepsi and Diet Coke
  • Searching Google in Yahoo
  • Searching Yahoo in Google
  • Strapping a piece of toast butter side up on the back of a cat and dropping it out a window
  • Putting Halo into a Playstation
  • Pointless repetition
  • Trying to find the light switch in the dark.
  • Punching the universe really, really hard with bricks superglued to your fists.
  • Forcing a blonde to read a book.
  • Pointless repetition
  • Mixing Mac and Windows components in any way.
  • Setting an ice cube alight.
  • Beating Chuck Norris at an arm wrestling match (this has yet to be proven, and probably never will be)
  • Pointless repetition

Police are uncertain which method Hawking decided to use but say they will continue to try to figure it out, however, Hawking is their main priority.

"We are uncertain which method Hawking decided to use but we will continue to try to figure it out,however, Hawking is our main priority," said the Police. "We are unsure if he will strike again so watch out for him."


Sources[edit | edit source]

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