UnNews:Six Surrey men found guilty of "supporting Manchester Utd"

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

17 April 2008

Typical Man Utd supporters, yesterday.

SIX MEN WHO HAVE NEVER BEEN TO MANCHESTER have been convicted of supporting Manchester Utd this afternoon. cloth shoe shiner Karl Gogg was among six men convicted at Kingston Crown Court of supporting the popular North Eastern football franchise. The jury failed to reach a verdict on a third charge against Mr Gogg of "vocally" encouraging the team on to victory against Arsenal whilst watching the match in a Guildford pub.

Marvin Brooner, was also found guilty of subscribing to a local Man Utd unofficial fan club, whose membership is thought to comprise almost exclusively of "southern glory hunting tw*ts". Also found guilty of fanclub membership were Simon Haroldo and Alan Jamm, both of Guildford, Surrey.

There were not guilty verdicts on the same charge against Ryan Giggs, Carlos Teves and Paul Scholes, who were found to have actually been to Manchester "on a number of occassions over the last year". It is thought the guilty parties will each face a custodial sentence or may even be shot from a cannon.

The convictions come just a year after a man was convicted after being found to have stopped supporting Liverpool when they "stopped winning stuff in the 90s". The man strangely then proceeded to support Nottingham Forest who became "even shitter" and now ply their football trade in the local Nottinghamshire Prisons league.

Sources

• RED ARMY! "RED ARMY!" RED ARMY!, April 17, 2008