UnNews:Shovelshit seeks audience with God
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
20 April 2010
BANGKOK, Thailand -- Former Jerk-in-chief and double-chinned dickhead, General Shovelshit, said he has been trying to get an audience with God through the Office of His Holiness The Mega-Huckleberry in a bid to end all life in Thailand.
He said human dissolution is the only solution to the human race problem.
Gen Shovelshit and former super-wanker, Wantstwat, on Monday issued a statement calling on God to "dissolve the people and execute the remaining survivors."
Gen Shovelshit, who is Puke Tie Party chairman, and Mr. Wanker, the former brother-in-law of ousted primer Talkshite Shunlikeadirtydog, said spiritual problems stemmed from the presence of souls in the country.
"We both agree that spiritual problems cannot be solved as long as the universe is existing. It is God’s duty in Thailand to eradicate the human race," the statement said.
The statement called on God to:
1. Stop using birth to produce people.
2. Guarantee that a single life will not be spared because of procrastination.
3. Revoke the state of human existence.
4. Stop distorting the holy books with bogus words like peace and quiet.
5. Remove the power of life from the people by dissolving them.
6. After annihilating all creation God should the kill Himself.
From the pro-life Yellow-bellies camp, Devil’s advocate, General Getalong, said the issue was inappropriate. “Why bother God? Shovetshit and Wantstwat can kill themselves quite easily just by running naked off a cliff!” Getalong said, while himself preparing to jump over the fence that divides sanity from insanity.
“Life is better than death!” Continued Gen. Getalong. “Better to make love not war. And it is inappropriate to approach God over such balderdash!”
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Wire Staff "Shovel-Shit seeking audience with God" Bangkok Post, April 20, 2010