UnNews:Santa Claus found guilty of tax evasion
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
8 November 2011
New York, NY -- 1633 year old Nick Claus of the North Pole was sentenced Tuesday morning to serve four years in Federal Prison. It seems that Mr. Claus was turning numerous gifts for profit, leading to tax evasion charges. The IRS only allows $13,000 worth of gifts to be received annually without having to pay taxes. As many of you may know, Claus is suspected to be the one giving out gifts on Christmas Eve, as he is sanctioned and paid to do so by the world.
However, the milk and cookies he collects were determined to fall under the "gift" category by a panel of extremely professional judges. By rough estimates, Claus collects $0.08 worth of milk and cookies from each child he operates his delivery business with. Since Claus is currently receiving such gifts from over 500 million children, this adds up to donations worth more than 40 million dollars. The court also ordered Claus to pay restitution totaling $1,394,870 to the IRS. The prosecutors had a hard time proving that each household visited by Claus offered the gift of milk and cookies. Christmas will have to go on a hiatus until Claus is released, sending numerous young ones into a deep depression and boosting worldwide Kleenex sales. He is first eligible for parole in August 2013.
