UnNews:Ryan Giggs plays 10^78th game

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

15 August 2007

Ryan Giggs during yesterday's landmark game, yesterday

Manchester, UK -- Ryan Giggs today made his 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000,000,000th competitive start for Manchester United - that's more than the number of protons in the observable universe. However, his manager now believes that Giggs could go on to play an infinite number of games for the club.

Obvious

Giggs, 33, lined up against rivals Grays Athletic for the Premier League clash at Old Trafford earlier this afternoon, which United won 3-0. "I'm obviously very pleased about it." said the Welsh winger after the game. "Obviously ten to the power of seventy-eight games is a big milestone for any player, but I'm really just happy that we gave a good performance and got the three points like. I just hope I can stay fit and sharp for the rest of the season and keep putting in the performances."

Brogue

Manager Lord Alex Ferguson was less reserved, saying that there was no reason why Giggs shouldn't continue to rack up games. "He looks after humself funtastically wull, and hus greet natural futness. He's un hus 4442nd year at the club, but uf he stays clear of unjury thur's no reason why he cannae go oaarn - the sky's the lumut fur hum. I honestly believe he culd be the furst futbuller to actually huv played un unfunute number of games."

Theoretical

Giggs now needs 10³⁵ times as many games as he has already played to equal United legend Bobby Charlton's record of 10¹¹² games for United. However, to reach the never-before-reached 'infinite game', he would, effectively, have to play an infinite number of games more than he has already played. Sport Mathematical Statistics Expert Peter O'Hanraha-hanrahan explained to us in terms we could quote;

“ "Giggs has already played an enormous number of games, but it's hard to say how many more he needs to play to reach infinity. Effectively, however many he's played, he will always need to play an infinite number more to reach an infinite number. That said, once he does reach an infinite number of games, he will have either had to have been playing forever, or go on to play forever into the future. Since he was born at a well defined point in time, the latter is more likely. So while I wouldn't hold my breath, at the rate he's going I'd say he'll reach an infinite number of games some time around February." ”

Giggsy Factfile:

• 1973: Born Ryan Joseph Giggs on November 29, in Cardiff, Wales
• 1974: Signs for United youth team aged nine months
• 1976: Scores hat trick against Aston Villa on full debut just weeks before 3rd birthday
• 1980: Wins Premier League for the first time, having played 425 games over the season
• 1985: Wins Premiership for a record 10th time. Reaches 1,000,000th game in April
• 1992: Giggs becomes only the fifth player to reach one billion games
• 1996: Giggs 'fitter than ever' according to United physio Nimer Yusuf. Plays 10^50th game
• 1999: Reaches World Cup finals with Wales for the first time after over 300 attempts. They go out first round to Andorra
• 2003: Horrific freak leg injury rules Giggs out for over three decades
• 2004: Makes triumphant return after reconstructive surgery. Wins 400th Champion’s League medal
• 2007: Makes 10^78th appearance in 3-0 win