UnNews:Polka Medley Banned by many Schools

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18 October 2006

Eugene Stephens listened to music on his iPod, waiting for the school bus early that morning. If one stood close enough, one might make out the thumping beat of a polka, specifically "Polkarama!" by "Weird Al" Yankovic, one of the many polkas popular with youths today.

But school administrators at Chester A. Arthur High School are not amused. "This kind of music is not appropriate in a school setting," says principal Lapin Horragin. "Just look at the lyrics." Portions of the lyrics administrators had issues with include the following excerpts:

Don't cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me?/ Don't cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me?/ Don't cha?

Somebody told me/ You had a boyfriend/ Who looked like a girlfriend

I take you to the candy shop/ I'll let you lick the lollypop/ Go 'head girl, don't you stop/ Keep goin 'til you hit the spot (whoa)

Blantantly sexual and loaded with double meanings, these lyrics have lead administrators to ban this polka to maintain a cleaner learning environment. This, however, is not the first time one of Yankovic's polkas has come under fire. Previous polkas have included lyrics such as "I don't want anybody else/When I think about you I touch myself" and "Help me get away from myself/I want to (boink) you like an animal/I want to feel you from the inside."

Shockingly though, not all students obey the rules. "We have so many rules banning sexy T-shirts, sexually explicit language, and having sex in school," said Eugene, "so Weird Al's polkas are like a way we can rebel against the teachers and the principals for like telling us like to you know, learn stuff rather than getting horny listening to polka."

When asked what exactly he meant by that, he responded, "sorry, I just spaced out there for a second; I'm really kinda burnt tonight."

"It's morning," I told him.

"Oh."