UnNews:Police went crazy after blaming Litvinenko's death on Bond
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
30 November 2006
LONDON, United Kingdom-- Police investigating the death of Alexander Litvinenko have denied that James Bond was blamed for the murder. Previously, the Met have published an e-fit of a man they are seeking to question. Tall, somewhat scary and with metal teeth, and was named 'Jaws' and looked like Richard Kiel who once kicked Christopher Mcdonald's ass. Suspicions were raised when it was noticed that the lower part of the picture is covered by his autograph.
A police spokesman told DeadBrain that despite the accusations, the MI6 and its lab geek 'Q' had not even been mentioned by officers on the case. "We have a number of promising leads, including reported sightings of a hollowed-out volcano, a man dressed as a clown carrying a jeweled egg and a car that can drive under water," he said. "None of these came from the MI6."
Sources on the investigation have said that police recently ruled out the presence of an ice palace in Hackney as being connected to the case, but they are still hunting for a large white airship and a wristwatch containing a hidden laser.
In a statement to the UK's highest legislative body, GMTV, Home Secretary Dr "No" John Reid said that he intended to add the Special Executive for Counter-intelligence, Terrorism, Revenge and Extortion (SPECTRE) to the list of proscribed organisations, joining the likes of the BBC, the Conservative Party and the Cannon and Ball Fan Club. "Just look at their name, they haven't made it easy for themselves," he said. "It's quite obvious what they're doing."
The move follows the release of cricket commentator Henry Blofeld on bail pending further enquiries.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- "James Bond was involved in killing Alexander Litvinenko, says Deanna Brayton" Deanna Brayton, Mmmmm DD, YYYY