UnNews:Perv Christmer delayed

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

20 June 2013

This man decided Perv Christmer needs to be delayed until next autumn. You would do the same if you had that gear on, wouldn't you?

We are extremely annoyed, sad, fucked up, dazed and confused to have to report that Perv Christmer has been delayed - again. It is not our fault, honest. We are just Uncyclopedia reporters. No use to come knocking on our doors with the dildoes, drugs, gear, lubricants, and obscene viewing material you have bought. We have been misled. We were waiting for the festivities to begin just as much you did. I, for one, bought thirty doses of Throbizone to keep up with the horny women I have surrounded myself with. Luckily I took none yet.

What the fuck happened? Nothing the fuck. Something the hell did, instead. A hot summer surprised us. The evil - but from our viewpoint, beneficial - plan to blow up the Sun, cooked up by the Catholic Church (one of them) has continuously been backfiring. As a result, Perv Santa (alias Jock Cockenheimer; pictured on the right) has had to stay inside for fear of suffocating in the heat. He absolutely refuses to announce Perv Christmer if he can't partake in it himself. Understandable.

What was his mistake? Obvious. He has glued all his Perv Santa gear onto his skin using reindeer semen. He cannot get it off any longer, the poor fucker. Until autumn, then: keep the tension on. We will have that disgusting party yet.