UnNews:Penguins declare war!!
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
7 October 2006
Long thought to be a peaceful people, The penguins have declared war on the U.S, saying "Global Warming is a direct attack on our country and way of life". The penguins then formed an allience with the dolphins to attack the U.S on both coasts, putting them in a bad military position. Intelligence suggests that the Butterflies and Rabbits are allies as well to attack the U.S by land and air, leaving nowhere for Americans to run.
In response, George Bush is sending several thousand troops to Antarctica to bring the fight to them and lower the attacks on U.S soil. The President said "We do not want this to be another Vietnam". As such, he equipped our troops with the latest in cooling uniforms to prevent troops from over-heating in the harsh jungle climate. "We do not want to look like idiots by not being dressed for conditions like in Vietnam" says the President, after none of the troops reported back, presumably because they were too busy "kicking some penguin ass".
Scientists are working on a new weapon to combat the supieror force of the Penguins, but the future does not look bright. The penguins already have nuclear capabilities and U.S scientists are losing moral after a virus, believed to have been delivered via Butterflies, wiped out all 500GB of porn on the pentagon's computer system. "The motivation is just...gone" says Einstien's brain-in-a-jar "All we do now is play Solitaire and World of Warcraft. It's all we have left".
The Penguins have taken advantage of this weakness and have taken over the Northeastern part on the U.S and are launching a large-scale invasion to the south and west, wiping out the U.S entirely. After that, it's anyone's guess as to what's next.